Spelled With An I

Resolutions

2007-01-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been missing lately. The holidays in general have sapped me. Decorating, parties, festivities, baking, shopping and the like take their toll and unfortunately blogging falls way down on the list of to dos.

No complaints, 2006 was probably one of my better years, except for the folks health. With that momentum going I'm going to make some resolutions (ie: goals) and stick with them again this year. I'll check back in, probably quarterly, just so I can keep myself accountable.

2007 Resolutions

1.) Finish losing weight and get to and stay at goal.
(I'm .4 shy of 90 lbs. and I have anywhere between 30-50 lbs to go.)

2.) Become more financially proactive.
(I know nothing about our money and where we spend it. Personally, I think we can be wiser and I need to be more active with the bill paying. I'm going to read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.)

3.) Get off my ass and MOVE 3-5X a week.
(It's sad how little I've worked out and still lost the weight. I need to find an activity or activities that I enjoy and make me want to move.)

4.) Try a new recipe weekly.
(I tend to fall back on old favorites. I need to expand my menus.)

5.) Find my calling.
(I don't just need a job I need to find something that is suited to my personality.)

6.) Scrapbook more.
(I capture the special event pretty well. I need to work on the everyday mundane things. Special events are nice but I'm hoping to really capture a snapshot, day in the life, sorta feel.)

2nd Go Around

2006-12-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

Dad was born on April Fool's Day and it's sorta been down hill ever since. If I've ever wondered where I got klutziness, it's from dad, there's no doubt in either of our minds. The man's a walking disaster waiting to happen. For someone who's got 3 degrees on the wall, sometimes I shake my head at the things that happen to him. Is it bad luck or is it self inflicted, sometimes it's both. For example, he was driving home from work on day and had a blow out on the spare in his trunk. It blew his trunk clean off! He made the news and was pretty proud of himself. He's done silly things like putting a string of Christmas lights in the microwave to make them more pliable and easy to hang. What he didn't count on was practically burning down the house when they caught fire. That's the year we call, "the new appliance Christmas". I won't even tell you how many times he's sunk his boat, just don't ask, it's not pretty.

Back in 1989 my father had all of the lymph nodes removed from his neck due to malignant cancer. He went though a couple of rounds of radiation and he has stayed cancer free. That was, till this last week. For 3 months he's found a small amount of blood in his urine, just a little and no pain to speak of or any other symptoms. He contacted his urologist and made an appointment. He went through a couple of tests and the doctor found a tumor on his bladder the size of a thumb nail.

Wednesday morning, Mom and I checked Dad into the hospital to have the tumor removed. Everything went according to plan, the tumor and surrounding tissue was removed and he spent the night in the hospital due to some bleeding and an enlarged prostate. Late Wednesday night the doctor had the nurses do a chemo flush of his bladder to kill any cancerous cells that might still be floating around after his procedure. Radiation is not an option when dealing with bladder cancers. He had zero pain with his procedure, which amazes me. He says it's because he has a good doctor, I say it's because of the drugs. He was released on Thursday and went home to sleep in his own bed that night.

The diagnosis and prognosis? He had a superficial tri-cell carcinoma removed from the right lower part of his bladder. There's an 75-80% chance of another tumor coming back, if it's caught early it will be removed, via the same method. If another tumor appears after that, they remove the bladder as a precaution. His doctor wants to see him every 3 months for observation. He is in great spirits and feeling optimistic. Actually, he was happy they didn't cut his wiener off.

Why my Dad? Why twice? He's a good man and doesn't deserve this again.

Merry Christmas Gram

2006-12-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

As seen on one of my FAVORITE message boards: What gift giving traditions do you do every year........

Grandma gets scratch-offs, cash, and a gift card for the grocery story. Plus a carton of cigarettes and a case of cheap beer. Hey, she's 89 years old, it keeps her off the streets!

NSV

2006-11-22T13:49:00.000-08:00

Over on the message boards at weightwatchers.com you'll see this little acronym used quite a lot. And I will readily admit it took me forever and a few beers to figure out what it meant. Non. Scale. Victory.

So you'll see someone post about grabbing two sizes of jeans, heading to the dressing room trying on the bigger pair first but needing and buying and smaller size, that's a non scale victory. I had 2 of those today.

First, I was at Macy's, you know, just looking around, drooling on stuff when a woman walks by me (whom I don't know) and says, "I just love what you're wearing, it goes so well together." A complete stranger gives me a compliment, out of the blue, totally random. How nice of her, she made my day and I told her thanks and have a happy thanksgiving. Little did she realize what a nice sincere compliment can do for someone. So, nice compliment lady, thank you.

The second and best? I was driving home, in my middle lane, Hayes Carll blaring on a CD when out of the corner of my eye I see a black car jet up next to me. After a few seconds I realize, that that car isn't passing me but he's got clear sailing ahead of him in the fast lane. So, what do I do? Glance over of course, to see a handsome 3o-ish man driving this very hot Mercedes coupe, 500 series no less! Again, I commenced with said drooling, not over the guy, but the car! Am I wearing my sunglasses, hell no! He caught my look and mouthed, "Hi! You're beautiful." Dude, did I just get flirted with on the freeway? Sho did. So I say, "Hi! Thank you." back with an admittedly sheepish grin and school girl giggle. To which he mouths, "Are you married?" holding up his ring finger. I say, "Yes!" and hold up mine. He frowns sadly and says he's not. Then he perks up and asks, "Happily?" I say, "Yes!" He frowns again. Then he asks, "Where are you going?" "Home.", I say and point to my exit. He waves good bye and blows me a kiss with a "Bye, beautiful." What the hell?!?! Do people not get pick up in bars anymore?

I'm sitting at a traffic light past my exit, shocked as all hell, that I just got flirted with so I pick up my cell phone and call The Husband and recount the story. He says, "Great, next you'll want new boobs and a divorce." It's a running joke around here because all of his friend's wives that got boob jobs also found new husbands after said boobs. Most of the ex-husbands are still paying on the boobs to boot!

So with that, I'll say I'm mighty grateful and blessed. I sincerely hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving and please, if you're traveling, come home safe.

A Jump Start To New Years

2006-11-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

I read this post today on my friend Bonnie's blog. I love her outlook on her life, she's so phenomenal! I get done reading her blog and I'm happier. I think that is her contribution to blogging, to spread happiness. Now, I love a good story, but so many that I've been reading lately are such downers, I want my blogging time to be uplifting, inspirational. So, here's my contribution, from Bonnie, thanks hon!

The days and nights fly by. Our lives go on by, are we living happy?
Are we doing the things we wanna do, are we setting goals to accomplish them?
Are we doing our favorite hobby more, like we really want to?
Are we setting aside special times with friends and family?
Are we starting new things we've always wanted to try?
Are we taking risks?
Are we loving more?
Are we making a difference?
Are we an influence wherever we go?
Are we encouraging people? Or naysayers?
Are we a better friend?
A better coworker?
A better wife. sister, mother, daughter?
Are we truly happy?

Evaluate. Dig deep. Evaluate your life. Discover the things about yourself you wanna change, then go ahead and set a goal. Dig deep. Find yourself. And live that life you've imagined. Why not start now? What's stopping you? What's stopping me?

When In Doubt, Another Meme

2006-11-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

Totally stolen from Beth! Thank you!

1. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? Hell, it's grey and it rings. Other than that, I could care less.

2. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Morning I think. According to Mom, her life was ruined afterward because I wasn't a boy. Yay!

3. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? A job I'm happy with.

4. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Eating whatever the hell I want and not giving a damn.

5. DO YOU PREFER HOT DOGS OR HAMBURGERS? Hamburgers please. I'm trying to cut down on lips and assholes.

6. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Nope, the darker the better.

7. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Me.

8. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Blonde hair, blue eyes.

9. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? DQ Blizzard, thanks you know who!

10. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO WAS MAD AT YOU? Probably my boss. Oh well, deal.

11. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE? Does bullshit count?

12. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU: And I'm suppose to remember this? I'm doing good to remember my cell phone number most days.

13. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS TAKEN? Yep.

14. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Kind words and kind deeds.

15. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Men who can sing and no I don't have a crush on the old guy at church that's our soloist. I swear.

16. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? I'm way to practical for that. Well, ok, just once, but I was drunk so I think it would qualify as a drunk-n-dial. I'm sure I woke up some poor old couple in Nebraska.

17. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? HA! Lipo, tummy tuck, microdemabrasion and botox, top the self improvement list.

18. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My eyes and my hair.

19. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? I had a better than great birthday this year. Friends, scrapbooking and family! Yay!

20. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Do dogs count? I'd take another ill behaved dachshund in a heartbeat.

21. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Hell no, I'm not THAT big of a mush.

22. WHICH FINGER[S] IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE? Any finger that's got a diamond on it.

23. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Hmmmmmm, the other week.

24. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? I own one, count it, one, Robert Earl Keen CD. He seriously makes my ears bleed.

25. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Abso-fucking-lutely! I'm a good friend, thank you.

26. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? I'm a great secret keeper, so, no.

27. DO LOOKS MATTER? No, but I'll make fun of you once you're out of earshot. Kidding, kinda.

28. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER? Kick the husband? No really, just a dog or 2. Kidding. I don't get angry, thank you prescription drug companies.

29. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Way too often.

30. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? My panio.

31. WHERE WERE YOU 6 HOURS AGO? Nap, sofa, football. Need I say more?

32. WHO WILL BE YOUR NEXT KISS? Stanley? He's super friendly. Either that or he wants to hump my leg, so I'll take a puppy kiss.

33. IS THERE ANYTHING PINK WITHIN 10 FEET OF YOU? Dude, I'm sitting in my girly pink office surrounded by black toile. What do YOU think?

34. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? My pjs, I should be in bed.

35. WHAT'S THE LAST SPORTING EVENT YOU WATCHED? UT footballl on Saturday night, duh.

36. WHAT IS/WAS YOUR FAVORITE CLASS? History and geography *yawn*.

37. HOW OLD ARE YOUR PARENTS? Mom is going to be 70 this week and dad is 71.

38. DO YOU MISS ANYONE? Sho do.

39. WERE YOU AN HONOR ROLL STUDENT IN SCHOOL? Yes, budding over-achieving geek and damn proud!

40. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE FUTURE? Go ask Tom Cruise, he's got the 411 for all of us, da freak.

41. DO YOU HAVE A TAN? Sorry, cracker white. Maligant melanoma is not my friend.

42. HOW OLD DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS? That'll be the day after never.
43. LAST TIME YOU GOT STOPPEDD BY A COP OR PULLED OVER? Fall of 1987. State trooper, coming home from an away football game in high school. Yeah I was speeding. I deserved the ticket. I was reallllllly late getting home.

44. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR DRINKS? Cold, never hot.

45. ARE YOU SOMEONES BEST FRIEND? Yep, and I lurve her!

Why I Heart The Internet

2006-11-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

I love the day after Halloween. I make sure and hit my favorite scrapbook message boards bright and early for the arm chair commentary of moms. There are some really great topics posted not to mention tons of pictures by proud moms showing off their little cuties in their costumes.

Today we were discussing the weirdest thing you got as a kid or your kids got this year as a "treat" in their orange jack o lantern. We got answers like jello, tooth brushes and tooth paste, bologna sandwiches, rolled pennies, pencils, coupons, carrots, old Christmas or Easter candy, dimes, cereal, cheese and crackers, fudge, candy canes, hats, hot cocoa, play dough, fortune cookies and instant oatmeal. Ick on most of those.

And then there was this:

Lady #1: When I was six years old my brother and I got hash in our trick or treat bags. Not corned beef hash. Not hash browns. Hash- like the drug. I think that was the last time my mother ever let us go trick or treating.

Lady #2: Dude, where'd you grow up, Amsterdam??

Classic!! I could NOT stop laughing! Wrong, but so damn funny!

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T15:43:00.000-08:00

Have a safe and happy Halloween everyone!

The Breeders-An Update

2006-10-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

Seems my neighbors need just a weeeeee bit more over exposure, as if have the police at their house at all hours of the day and night wasn't enough.

Today, for all the world to witness, they drug their shit out for the national viewing audience's pleasure. They went on the Dr. Phil Show. www.drphil.com (click on Thursday's show for full details).

Luckily, I wasn't home to witness the train wreck but as soon as I pulled into the drive my home phone went nuts! Most of my neighbors are stay at home moms and they happened to catch the show. It's truly the talk of the street this evening.

All I have to ask is, "Stacy, pumpkin, why?" Why would you want to drag your shit out on national television for public consumption? You say this whole fiasco has soured your name, embarrassed you, ruined your career etc. etc. And by going on national television rehashing it, does what exactly? Good move, toots.

Notice her looser husband, Eddie, wasn't there. Figures. I doubt him to be a pedophile, but I know for sure he's a looser. A looser she needs to stop having babies with! Lets hope Dr. Phil makes good on his promise to do a lie detector test, for THAT, I'll tune in.

Just For Shits and Giggles

2006-10-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

The internet is a wonderful thing my friends. You can find your true love, diagnose your tumor, take college classes and find a long lost friend. The internet is a modern day marvel, God bless the little fuckin' time waster.

Can't say I've gotten into the whole My Space thing. I don't see the allure. I guess I'm too old to get it. I'm sure there'll be other internet fads I don't get, I'm ok with that. The one fad I get a kick out of is www.youtube.com. Hilarious stuff people! If you haven't seen some of the homemade skits, I encourage you to go on over and get a belly laugh or 3. Good stuff right there.
Now comes the sharing part, I swear I laugh my ass off every time I see this skit. It just goes to show you I'm a 10 year old boy trapped in a 36 year old woman's body!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xItR-nh9cYM

I had weigh in last night. Down another 5.2lbs for a total of 77.4 lbs. since February 15th. I've lost well over 30% of my original weight. Setting each goal in 10% increments helps me a lot. Instead of seeing the large number of pounds I needed to loose, I see a smaller goal, a more manageable number I can shoot for. Yep, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. I really need to decide on a final goal weight.

Gratitudes

2006-10-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

Coming to a mailbox near you! I'm done with my Halloween cards. My original plan didn't pan out, it never does, yet I remain optimistic each time I sit at my desk to create. One day I'll learn. On the inside the words Hocus Pocus are stamped and a border of those same cats are at the bottom. Eh, not my best work but it'll do. I'm too busy thinking about Christmas right now. I can't cop out and use the photo Christmas card again this year, can I?

I can't say enough thank yous to the people that called and emailed me. Thanks guys! I do appreciate it.

I'm feeling better. I'm up, dressed, showered and tackling a never ending to do list. I'm pretty dern proud of myself for not giving into wanting to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I guess I'm learning from past behaviors, and this my friends is a GOOD thing.

Speaking of GOOD THINGS, I need to list a few, you know, just so I can see in print how very blessed I really am.

1.) Friends, both in real life and those online. Even better, friends that make you laugh!
2.) Leftover creative energy from last weekend.
3.) Scrapbook stores that have the latest and greatest and you're there when they are unpacking it! Scored me so loverly goodies and used a $25 store credit to boot!
4.) Online shopping in the form of more scrap goodies! (here, mailman, mailman)
5.) A hardworking husband that's concerned about me and prays for my wellness.
6.) Helping a friend that is in need.
7.) Putting on your sweats on from last winter and finding they swamp you. Yet, more shopping ensues.
8.) Having health insurance x2.
9.) Cool weather, snuggle weather.
10.) A shrinking to do list.

Life is good.

Weird Spot

2006-10-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm just in a weird place right now and it's hard to explain. I know I've been dealing with depression most, if not all my life. I vividly remember at 16 waking up in the middle of the night, Mom was still up, going to her and telling her that something was wrong with me. I couldn't put it into words then either. I remember begging her to help me, fix me, make me right. She dismissed me and told me there was nothing wrong with me. She was my Mom, she was right and I went to bed, never to be helped.

It took a total break down to realize she was wrong. So very wrong. I wish I could put words to my feelings right now but I can't. I'm just blue, very blue and I'm not sure how to fix me. I usually take a few weeks and snap out of it but I have a feeling that this time, that won't be the case. The husband is very worried, he's seen me like this before and he's totally ill equipped to help. So, he does what a good husband does and stands beside me, gives me pep talks and cheers me on. Some days I like it, most I don't. I know he's just trying to help.

I've been in therapy on and off for about 10 years. I get to a point where I think what demons I'm battling are gone only to have them surface again in some other form. I think it's time to talk to someone again. I'm beyond helping myself and I'm beyond pep talks. I need to know what is causing this depressive episode so I can deal with it if it comes back in the future. I'm trying to be proactive even though the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed and forget about the world.

I'm ok with whatever my therapist has in mind. I've been taking an anti-depressant for 10 years, sometimes in large doses sometimes in small. I'm ok with whatever she has in mind as long as I'm not some drooling zombie who's numb to the world. I need to be aware, alert, so I can work on this problem with her. But right now, I need to talk to someone, someone who can help.

Friends

2006-10-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my actual birthday, but being the brat-only child-that I am, I stretched it out all week. Friday I met some girlfriends in Fredricksburg for a scrapbooking weekend retreat. It was so wonderful to not worry about work or anything else for that matter. We laughed till we cried and almost tinkled in our panties, we ate so much wonderful food but most of all we reconnected as friends. Friends I miss a lot when I don't get to spend time or talk with them. It's maddening how we can let life get in the way of our friendships. We say we'll call them tomorrow and never do or we'll get together but schedules never jive. This weekend made me realize what truly fun, inspiring, helpful, loving and considerate friends I have. Friends I know I'll have a lifetime.

Evil Cake

2006-10-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

All of my girlfriends and I got together last night for a pre-birthday dinner, cake included. Yes I'm milking my birthday week, so what. It'd been since August that I was able to get together with all of my best girlfriends (at the same place and time). We had the best time! Pictures forthcoming, I promise.

My friend Yvette is the baker from hell. If you need a 6 ft. long cake in the shape of a snake for a Fear Factor birthday, she can do it. I've seen it, it can be done and delivered in one piece. Bottom line, she rocks as a baker! Last night, she made me the most heavenly, divine, borderline orgasmic carrot cake with orange cream cheese icing that was so good it'd make you wanna slap your granny. People, I'm not a sweets person. I'll pass up candy for a tortilla, I'm all about the carbs! So, for me to rave about this cake, yeah, it was awesome. I had a few forkfuls for breakfast. That divine.

I haven't updated you on my weight loss progress in a while, so here goes. As of last night I've lost a few tenths shy of 74 lbs and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's almost 30% of my original weight! Give or take, I'm half way to my goal. I haven't set a hard and fast number yet. What the charts say for my height seems very skinny to me and I'm not sure if I can pull it off with my larger bone structure. I don't want to look emaciated. So, I'm back and forth on my goal weight. Right now I'm looking at and happy with what I have done. I have literally nothing in my closet that fits. Luckily a nice girl at my Weight Watchers meeting had mercy on me and gave me some beautiful hand-me-downs that fit perfect. I paid it forward and gave some of my clothes away that were too large for me and just sitting in my closet. I'm taking all of my nice and expensive suits to the women's shelter. I know those ladies need clothes for job interviews and court so I know those items will go to good use.

When I started my new job I'd lost around 40lbs. One of my female coworkers noticed the other day that I'd lost some more weight and she asked me what I'd been doing. I told her, "I quit putting shit in my mouth." We both laughed and then I told her, "Really, Weight Watchers and it's such a do-able program." I think I talked her into joining.

I'm starting to run into people that I see only every once in a while. They tell me I look fantastic but don't mention the weight loss specifically. I'm starting to wonder if they think I've had gastric bypass or I have some deadly illness. I really want to tell them, "No, no magic pill, no surgery and I'm not sick, I'm just eating right and getting in lots of activity." With gastric bypass being so hip to do these days I really want people to know I'm doing it the ol' fashioned way, with hard work, portion control, lots of healthy food and exercise. I know that's weird, but for some reason I feel, for me, gastric bypass is a cop out. I know for some, it's the only solution but I know many people that did it because they were lazy and wanted a fast solution. No thanks, God put my plumbing in a certain way and it's staying like that, I'm just going to quit putting shit in my mouth.

It's Fall!!

2006-10-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

No denying it, this is my absolute favorite time of year. I can't wait to go hike Lost Maples in a few weeks and head to a pumpkin patch to get some pictures of the dogs frolicking in the cool air. I adore this time of year, not to mention it's my birth month. So in honor of fall, I'm going to share my fall decorations. I have a lot and I use them all in all their tacky goodness.

When You Run Your Mouth

2006-09-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

You get your ass beat. Plain and simple. Couple that with being a pot stir-er extraordanaire, add a dash of whine and a big old helpin' of drama queen and you have my nightmare child, C. Wednesday night (no I wasn't there) C got her ass beat by 4 other residents at the facility. I think all the staff knew it was not a question of if, but when. She's alright, bumps, bruises and some taped up fingers. Her mouth wasn't broken, she's now trying to play the poor me card. As for the girls that jumped her? 2 have been released from our program, 2 are still administratively segregated from the general population, all are facing charges of assault and assault of a peace officer. My work life, not to mention paperwork pile will lessen exponentially if C gets released from our program. Please, please make her go away, she has no intention of working our program, ever. I need peace on my unit again.

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

2006-09-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

Wow, two posts in one week. Yes the sky is falling, run!! Kidding. I'm gonna try the every other day posting thing and see if that works for me because the every two weeks thing ain't workin' for me and I'm sure it's not working for you either. So here goes.....

We're going to talk about work. Work's good. I'm really getting the hang of things and my job, now that I know what the hell I'm doing, is really kinda easy. Working with 12-24 girls is the challenging part. Oy! Teenage girls are the WORST. They whine, they complain and did I mention they are defiant? Oh yes indeed! So defiant in fact I've been called a bitch several times and had a full half pint carton of milk thrown at my head. It missed me of course because she's a crap ass shot and I'm quicker than I look.

I came home told the husband about my day (and the milk incident) thinking he would insist that I quit and find something else ASAP. Nope. He LAUGHED, my friends. Laughed. Told me that tomorrow's another day and some other bullshit and trotted out the door. Where's the sympathy? Where's the "let me take you out to dinner you've had a rough day" treatment. AWOL, folks. That's where. Not even a droplet of sympathy. The folks are still bewildered that I've returned to my "old profession". They make it sound like I'm a mild aged hooker! Uh, it drives me nuts so I only tell them the good things for obvious reasons. I think my mother still thinks that one day I'll "quit all this nonsense" and go into something respectable, like playing the piano for a symphony or something mundane like that. Eh, not happening.

My girls (to quote Brighton) are spawn from Satan's ass. Ok to be fair, not all of them, but the majority. I have 2, maybe 2, that I like and doubt they'll return to the program ever again. The others, they're too far gone and after having had the pleasure of meeting their parents I now know why they are the way they are. I've seen at least 2 of my ex-probationers coming to visit their kids at our program. Apple didn't fall far from the tree it seems.

Remember me telling you about my KICK ASS boss, R? The one I get along great with and have a lot in common with professionally? Him? Yeah, he was fired. Yep, you read that right. Shit canned. We were herded into an "informal meeting" with 2 of the directors and told that R was fired for 2 incidents that happened on our shift. Grievances by the kids in question were filed and the department saw their complaints as legit. Honestly, I do to. R made some baaaaad judgment calls that day and it cost him his job. To say we were stunned was an understatement. We'd all felt like we'd been kicked in the stomach, honestly. We've missed him a lot because he had such a good relationship with all of us. He wasn't a yes man or some kiss ass trying to claw his way up. He told it like it was and it didn't matter how many letters you had behind your name. For that, he was labeled a trouble maker and we all think that administration was looking for an excuse to get rid of him. He gave them the perfect out, no hearing, no appeal, just a "clean your desk out".

Who's our stand in boss till someone is appointed permanently? C. My micro-managing Attila the Hun supervisor. God help me if she gets R's position we'll never have peace again. The good news, I'm not letting her get to me and the other day she told me I was doing an excellent job. Yay me! I'll take that compliment from her any day.

Got some more good new today. We're getting an 8.5% raise. Now, to those that work in the private sector, I'm sure you're laughing. For those of us in the less than private sector, that's a nice little chunck o' change. AND our benefits premiums won't increase. Yay! Now maybe I can afford the gas to go to work and back seeing how it's a 44 mile round trip for me. The raise goes in effect October 1. Show me the money!!

I really like the people I'm working with. We have to work as a team so liking each other really makes a huge difference. We all get along good and joke a lot. For some odd reason I've always had more male friends than female and I've always gotten along better with my male coworkers and supervisors than my female counter parts. If ya'll know why, let me know. I'm not sure why that is. Just one of those weird Kristin phenomenon I suppose, it's either that or my freakish understanding of UT football, but that couldn't be it, could it?

Talent

2006-09-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hi, it's me the crap-ass poster. Yeah, I'm back for another installment. Things, they be a-changin', just workin' into a groove is all, hang with me folks. I'll be back posting regularly soon.

Lets discuss talent. Some of us have it, some of us, well, don't. I truly believe we've all been given certain God-given talents. He bestowed them upon us at birth. Some of them come naturally, some have to be nutured.

My talents? They are few. I have the gift of gab. I'll talk to a tree if it'll talk back. I figure this was something I learned to nurture. People laugh when I tell them I was a painfully shy child and adolescent. I mean, cling to my mother's leg, shy. Most are stunned because I'm usually the first person to introduce herself at a get together or talk with ease to a stranger while waiting in line. I'm not sure when I grew out of my shyness, but I thank God I did. Now, I can't imagine being a wall flower.

I fancy myself a pretty good scrapbooker too. I'm not published but that's from a lack of submitting. I see women agonize over their pages at crops and through online message boards. Scrapbooking is the one thing that I a.) don't take too seriously b.) micro-manage and c.) obsess on perfection. I get my pictures, find some cardstock and paper and boom, bam, bang, I put it down and move on to the next page. Don't get me wrong, I do like my pages to have the right design elements, but I seem to come by those easily. Picking pattern papers to match pictures comes easily as does the placement of my photos. Everything just gels for me, I guess I've been blessed with a decent eye for design.

I have a talent for knowing totally useless facts, like, Jeopardy winning useless. My friends know (and have accepted) that I know totally useless bullshit. Actually, I think they are quite amused by my freakish knowledge of dates, times and the history of glue. My coworkers are getting to see that side of me too. Recently, we were talking about milk and someone said something about black and white milk cows. I said those are Holsteins. The conversation stopped and all eyes are were on me. I went on to tell them Holsteins are but only one breed of milk cow. There were others like, Brown Swiss, Guernsey, Jersey, Ayrshire, Shorthorn and Dexter. *Insert stunned silence* I guess I didn't look like a chick that would know such things. How I came by this knowledge, I'm not sure. I guess I'm just a perpetual learner. I read a lot and I watch a lot of documentaries. Could be my husband's in the cattle business but not the milk cow biz. Who knows, but I know the breeds of milk cows and I felt the need to bestow my co-workers with my knowledge. They now know I'm a freak too and I'm ok with that.

Where am I going with all of this? As you can tell I'm not a natural writer. I have to force myself to blog. It's not a particular task I enjoy. I do it 1.) because I know I have friends that read and want to stay updated and 2.) because practice makes perfect, right? There are a lot of blogs out there some good and some bad. I read the funny ones mostly, but I do have one, in particular, that is truly an outstanding work of writing. Without fail

http://www.texas-music.blogspot.com/

never fails to disappoint with his writing abilities. The man, in one word is, PHENOMENAL. If you think I kid, go read his post about Solitary.

Jack is the one that introduced me to blogging and for that I will always be grateful. I've meet some wonderful people who are bloggers and some have become good friends of mine and the husband. Jack's latest entry just blew me away. I read a lot. I've read good books and I've read really bad books and some that left me wondering if they only got published because they were fucking their editor. Jack, to date is unpublished and it's a shame. The man has a true gift for words and stringing the perfect ones together to create such a clear picture, it's eery. I love a book that can transport me into the moment, the scene, right then and there and he does that with what seems like total ease. Jack is a humble kinda guy and doesn't like to brag but I think he knows he has some sort of talent, whether it be natural or nurtured but far be it from him to toot his own horn, so I'll do it for him. If you don't read Texas Music, please book mark it and check often to read some of what I think is the best writing out there.

Now, Jack, would you please start writing your book. I promise I won't make a scene at the Border's book signing when you get published and I won't even name drop that I "knew you back when". Deal?

Oh LOOK! She POSTED!

2006-08-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, hush. I know, missing in action once again. Trust me blogging is on my to do list but honestly, that list is so long and what I NEED to do and what is on that list are 2 different things. Most days I'm doing good to have clean underwear. Priorities people.

The job is going ok. I'm still having issues with C. That'll never end, she's just a bitch, set in her ways and that's not going to change, ever. She's putting in for a promotion and secretly I hope she gets it, 1.) because she's damn good at what she does and deserves it and 2.) I don't particularly like the rest of the people that are putting in for it. She's a micro-manager and she'll be my bosses boss. Let him deal with her, I just want her off my ass.

We're finally settling into a nice routine with my new hours and despite it not being a traditional 8-5 gig, I love it. I don't mind the hours at all and I certainly don't mind the over time, that is, if the auditor's office ever pays me my over time. Hey, assholes, you planning on paying me interest on that over time you've owed me since JULY? I'm not working for my good looks and personality ya know.

I'm getting better at my job too, I'm feeling more confident, till C comes in and undermines my authority, around the kids. I'm learning this job a lot slower than in jobs past. There is so much "law enforcement" with this job I'm having to learn what it is to be part cop and part therapist. It's a weird situation. I've been told twice by my supervisor to not be so hard on myself and allow myself to make mistakes. Uh, yeah, tell that to perfectionist Kristin, she'll get right on that.

I've tried to post some layouts I've done but Blogger is still being a pud about it. I'll try and work on that this week so I can show ya'll what I'm doing when I'm not working or blogging. Speaking of scrapbooking, I'm going on a retreat with my buddies in October for my birthday. Yay, a semi-vacation from work and in beautiful Fredricksburg too! Can't wait, only 6 more weeks.

The weight loss efforts are coming along. I've lost 60.6 lbs. so far, well until last night at weigh in. I gained a pound this past week but I can't say I didn't have it coming. 2 meals of Mexican food, a breakfast of bean and cheese tacos and an entire box of reduced fat Cheese Nips for a meal, doesn't bode well for loosing weight. I had the gain coming, I know it. Am I happy about it? No. Am I mad at myself? No, not particularly. This past week was stressful at work so the nervous eating was the result. Next time I need to go work out instead of sit on the sofa, cry and eat. Lesson learned. I went into Target the other day to look for some 5 pocket capris. I have exactly one pair of shorts that fit along with 2 fitted shirts, a couple of knit tops, 2 pair of capris, one jean skort and 1 pair of jeans that fit. That's it. For the hell of it I tried on a size that I knew wouldn't fit. WRONG. They fit AND they zipped. I about shit myself right in the dressing room. I didn't buy them, but dang that made my day. I wear a half size smaller in shoes too. How do you loose weight in your damn feet!?!? Weird, but ok, I'll take it.

I was talking to my girlfriend Cindy today and I told her that I think I'm closer to my goal weight than I originally planned. I was shooting for 140 now I might have to shoot for 160-180. We'll have to see how I look. I'm not going to go by a number but how I feel and look. I'm not 20-something anymore so I don't need or want to be TOO skinny. I'm shooting for healthy. I might have to have a discussion with my doctor too and she what she thinks.

36 is around the corner and I'm starting to see those little lines. Yeah, I'm vain, so what? I've got an appointment with my dermatologist next week to discuss Botox and microdermabrasion. The husband thinks I'm nuts. Probably, but I'd like to hit 40 not looking 40. I swore I'd never ever need or get a boob job. I need to quit saying never because I'm thinking about it. Not anytime soon but I could use a little lift. Hey, gotta take care of the assets, they're half the act! We'll see what I need done once all the weight comes off. *cue Carly Simon's Your So Vain*

I just finished reading, "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. Good read and well written. I recommend it. I'm reading "Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants" now. I'll review it when I'm done, which might be Christmas so don't wait on me for the review.

I know I owe a bunch of ya'll phone calls, emails and visits. Work with me. I'm getting to it. Gimme a month or 2 and I'll be in a groove with the new schedule and I won't feel so stressed and out of sorts.

Labor Day weekend is coming up and you know what that means? Dove season officially opens. Yay!! Dad is coming to spend the weekend with us and we've got our guns ready and ammo loaded. We're ready to head to the fields and dove hunt! Can't wait.

Alright, consider yourselves updated. Now, lets see if I can get Blogger to cooperate with me and upload some of my layouts!

Pain In The Neck

2006-08-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

Well, the pain isn't in my neck, actually. The pain is in my head, my melon. I never get headaches. Ever. I just don't. In the last month I've had 2, count them, 2, debilitating headaches. I would guess they are of the migraine variety. How do I know? Both sent me sprinting to toss my cookies. Pretty, huh?

I know this is stress/job related but I'm not sure how to deal with it. I don't want to resort to medication if I don't have to. Anyone out there get migraines? I'm all ears, tell me what ya'll do to not get them and what you do to make them easier to deal with.

Edited to add: 8-5-06 I'm headache free since my last whopper, headache that is, not cheeseburger. I made an appointment with my GP to get my melon checked on Tuesday. I need some blood work done so I might as well do it all with one co-pay. I'll let ya'll know what she says.

The Hump

2006-07-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

I went to weigh in tonight in hopes of losing a few pounds and inching ever closer to the 50 lb. mark. I was shocked when I was told I'd lost 6.2 lbs. this week alone. I'm shocked. I'm stunned. I've lost 53.6 lbs. Fuck, how have I done it? I'm so happy right now.

Learning Curve

2006-07-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone that still comes by to read me. I'm alive and kicking. This new schedule is taking a wee bit of adjustment on my part. The husband, well, he's rolling with it like a champ and picking up the slack when I'm too tired to cook dinner or throw the whites in the wash. Before this job I had a nice tidy little life where certain days I did laundry, a particular day I went grocery shopping, got a hair cut, pedicure and manicure, you get the idea. A nice little life with a nice little routine. I like a schedule, it works for me. Now? That shit is out the window! And of course, being the obsessive compulsive that I am, it's freakin' killing me. I feel so discombobulated lately, not knowing whether I'm coming or going. The nation's Monday is my Friday, talk about fucking you up on what day it actually is! Most days I'm doing good to have clean underwear, food for the dogs and get to work on time. So see, I have an excuse for my absence. I need to work blogging into my new schedule, this I realize. Hang with me, I'll get better.

Now about the new job......no matter how much I bitch and moan about my childhood, I didn't have anything remotely as horrible as my girls have had. All types of drugs, abuse, neglect are rampant and it shows in their demeanor and attitude. It has affected them in profound ways, teenagers who've lived adult lives. There is so much work to be done, but things I can't cure in the short months that I will know them. I can't undo years of abuse no matter how much I think I can. I can only teach them coping skills, behavioral modification skills and hope they use them and pray for the best. Our statistics prove we're fighting a losing battle. Our program is a whole other post for another day.

In one short month my girls have taught me a lot about myself. You won't hear my complain about my parents anymore. I had it damn good, I realize that now. So my mother wasn't the hugs and kisses type. So. What. She was hard on me because she cared and wanted me to succeed. I did, mission accomplished. She did the best she knew how. No one is perfect. I didn't pop out of the womb with a how to manual attached. Mom gets a pass on my upbringing. Her current attitude, well that's still up for debate.

I adore my coworkers. They are funny and fun and we all get along really well and have each other's back. We're the tightest knit shift from what I understand because we all work as a team and not looking to backstab and play blame games. My supervisor rocks! He's the best and really backs us up on any decisions we make. We sat down and had a long talk the other day, just the two of us, a kind of a get to know you better session. I know where he's coming from and he knows were I'm coming from. We ended up completing a lot of each other's sentences and that's totally cool. I like being on my same wave length as my supervisor. He's laid back enough not to get his boxers in a bunch about small things, a micro manager he is not. R gets two thumbs up in my book.

But......and you knew there was a but........But, I can't stand the woman who's just under my supervisor. When he's gone, she's in charge. She makes Atilla the Hun look like a people person. Seriously. Jeffrey Dahmer had better people skills than this woman. She comes in and yells at the kids, she demeans staff in front of the kids and generally is a miserable woman. She makes my face twitch. Now, I know I'm new and I know I'll need redirection on certain things that I'm doing wrong, hell, I welcome the feedback so I know what I need to improve upon, that's not my gripe. My gripe is there is zero positive feedback and I'm usually reprimanded in front of my girls. How am I to gain the kid's respect when C is dogging me in front of them? From what I understand she does it to everyone so I'm not being "picked" on. Fine. Great. She's an equal opportunity bitch, 10-4, gotcha. Everyone has talked to R about her and he'll talk to her and she'll tone it down a bit then start up again shortly after her reprimand. Most days I just listen to her assessment of me with a deer in the headlights look but I'm thinking, "Bitch, you are crazy and would you please turn it down a notch or ten?" I seriously can't believe some of the stuff she says. Currently, I just want my ass back in one piece at the end of my day. If I have both cheeks intact, I'm good. Shall I go into her writing skills? I'm no English major but I do speak proper English and I can hold my own with grammar and punctuation not to mention I'm a fairly decent speller and I always check and recheck anything I submit that could be subpoenaed. C? No so much. She's an idiot and one day a defense attorney will lay her out on the stand. I would like a ring side seat for that. Hell, I'll save seats for everyone on my shift AND make popcorn. I'm not bitter, really. Really, I'm not. Ok, I am. Is it that obvious? If you have suggestions on how to deal with her, I'm all ears. I've never ever dealt with someone like this, so I'm at a loss.

This just is an unbelievably demanding job and I'm soooooo out of my element on security issues. I may have said this before but let me repeat it, I'm sooooooooo not law enforcement. I know I can say with the utmost certainty, I'd make a horrible cop. Period. Victim advocate, yes. Police officer, no. Social worker, yes. Prison guard, no. Any questions? We have to cut all of the tops off of the pencils, you know where the little metal part holds the eraser on. Why you ask? Because the pencil can be taken apart and the metal used as a weapon. I never even thought of something so mundane as that. It's the little security things that get me, I'm just amazed.

I have so many stories to tell but I'm very, very reluctant to go into them here. I would love to go into detail but I'm not in the mood to get Dooced. I work with juveniles so everything is highly confidential, just give me some time to decide what I can and can't share.

Enough about work. I've been squeezing in a little bit of scrapbooking here and there. I miss my regular crops with my girlfriends because of work. I've done some pages lately that I'm really happy with. After many years, I think I've finally found my style. I'll try new things occasionally but I seem to gravitate to a certain look. I've got some pages scanned and ready to upload and share with ya'll and I'll put them up as soon as Blogger stops being a testy bitch. I tried several times last week and finally gave up. Two of my coworkers scrapbook so of course they have an open invitation to join us at crops. I swear this hobby is taking over the world.

Health wise I'm feeling better than I have in a years. My stomach issues have all but gone away. Poof! Gone! Like almost overnight. I'm curious what the stress of this new job is going to do. I guess we'll have to wait and see, so far so good, so I'm not complaining. The weight is still dropping off. I weight in tomorrow but to date I've lost 47.4 lbs. I can't wait to hit 50, there's just something significant about that number to me. I guess it's "the hump" for me. After 50, I'm on the down hill slide to another 50. This first 50 has been remarkably easy, lets hope the next 50 is as easy as the first. Several of my coworkers have noticed how healthy I eat at lunch. They don't realize I'm losing weight, they didn't know me "before". J told me today, "Can you please go eat somewhere else, you're making me feel guilty for having Oreos and a Coke for lunch." I offered her my apple to balanced her diet, she accepted. There is hope. No one can believe that I can get up at 4 am, get to work by 6:30 am and do it all without caffeine. My secret? Low sodium V-8. Love the stuff! I would have a herd of V-8 cows if there were such a beast. The stuff rocks my world. So while my coworkers guzzle their Red Bulls and Starbucks at morning briefing I happily sip my V-8. I'm sure they all think it's spiked with a wee bit 'o vodka, but I hate to disappoint, I no longer drink alcohol either. Dude, why would I want to waste calories on booze when I can use those points for CARBS!?! Duh!

So there ya have it, my life in a nutshell. Boring, huh? And to think you just wasted 5 mins. of your life you'll never get back. Pray the next post is days in coming, not weeks.

The Devil Wears Combat Boots

2006-07-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

Many, and I do mean many, of my coworkers wear these, men and women alike. They want to protect their feet from getting stomped by a kid throwing a tantrum of the grande variety. Evidentially it happens during restraints but this priss can't bring herself to purchase something so damn ugly. I mean I'm ok with the black because I do wear a lot of black, but can I get something in a strappy sling back with a low heel? Hell make it a steel toed sling back. Hello? Manolo Blahnik, I see a new market for you.

I Choose Door #3, Pat

2006-07-05T01:18:00.000-07:00

I know ya'll love a good story, even more so, a good "Kristin you idiot!" story. Hey, I love them too, I can laugh at myself, most days. I'm here to please and I'm sure this one won't disappoint.

Our kids are referred to our program by their juvenile court judge. Just so you know, no, the judges know very little about these kids and make decisions about treatment based on statements from court personnel and defense attorneys. Sometimes a placement with us isn't appropriate and the youth is exited from the program to which they must be sent back to the detention center. Here's where the fun begins.

I got the pleasure of transporting a female youth back to the detention center last week. This isn't in the normal scope of my duties, but we were short staffed, our transportation officer was out. As ya'll know, I'm a social worker by trade, not law enforcement. I was shocked to see this sweet faced 14 year old girl in leg shackles, belly chains and hand cuffs. When I got back from the detention center I found out why there were extra security precautions. The girl was nuts. I don't mean in the "oh, silly kids" nuts, I mean "she's cracked in the head" nuts. Oh, and she likes to run.

My only directives from my supervisor were, take her to the detention center, drop her off at intake, get our chains back and call me when you get there. Ok, no problem, I'm of decent intellect and can manage such a task. I knew where I was going, how hard could this be?

We boarded the youth, without incident, and drove to the detention center without one u-turn. So far, so good. I pulled up the sally port, pushed the intercom button and told the officer why I was there and that I had a transport for processing. I was buzzed through the gate and entered the sallyport only to find out that I was in the kitchen sallyport. I looked around to find milk crates, boxes of fruit and vegetables and a nice man unloading a Ben Keith truck looking at me very perplexed. So what did I do? I backed up (all the while announcing my departure with that horrendously loud back up buzzer and in a cavern at that) and pulled out back into the parking lot.

Around I went, to the next sallyport. I pushed the intercom, told the officer who I was with and that I had a transport. I was buzzed through and I went in, only to find I was in the laundry sallyport! A couple of guys in a uniform company truck look at me, I smile and wave and back up, again with the loud buzzing. About this time, I hear a muffled laugh from the back of the van. Great. It's the grand freaking tour of the detention center with a cracked kid, and she's laughing. At me.

We're off to find the wizard and sallyport #3. Third times the charm, right? Same schpeel, different intercom, correct sallyport this time. Yay! I now know where intake is, that's progress, right there! So I get her in, again without incident and ask the intake officer where I can use a phone. He points me to control. I call my supervisor and let him know from now on tell anyone new WHICH sallyport they need to use. Social worker types will assume one unless told otherwise, we're not law enforcement, ya know. The next morning it was brought up at the staff briefing that in the future, everyone needs to use the third sallyport. Thanks, nothing like a good dose of humilation to start off the day.

Back in detention, once I hung up with my supervisor I see one of the guys in control wave me over. They're laughing and joking around, I figured I'd go introduce myself. One of them asks me if I'm Kristin. "Uh, yeah." I say. "We thought so." another retorts. They inform me one of my ex co-workers works part time with them in control and he'd heard that I got hired on and to be on the look out for me and make sure to give me a hard time. They were the ones that buzzed me through to each sallyport, all the while, watching me on camera, laughing and letting me wander around when they could have told me it's around the building door #3. The third one said, "L, told us you were a prissy white chick with big hair. We knew it had to be you." My hair proceeds me, evidentially. I need a historical placard for my head, it seems. I whipped out a rubber band from my pocket and shot the tall one in the middle in the chest. He jumped and yelled, ouch. I ran like hell and told them, revenge is sweet, nice to meet them and watch the crazy girl I brought in. I love my new job.

Prayers Needed

2006-06-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

My friend Holly needs prayers for her husband's cousin. This bright, beautiful girl has cancer and the doctors can no longer do anything to help her. I know in my heart God has a plan for her but I can't help but feel that she's needed here more. If it's not too much trouble can you please keep this little girl in your prayers. She needs all we can give her right now.

Lizzie's story and blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/ne/lizziegirl/

Emotionally Exhausted

2006-06-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm emotionally exhausted. I've forgotten how utterly draining casework can be. There is so much to be done and I'm not sure where to start. I have an entire legal size page full, front to back of things I need to do and accomplish. I start training on Monday for 2 weeks. 2 weeks more, I'm not going to be working with my clients to facilitate change. It frustrates me.

Due to confidentiality I can't go into my 12 cases here. Lets just say that there are issues, lots and lots of issues. I'm dealing with 12 pre-teen and teenage girls. Some have babies, some don't. Some have fathers, some don't. Some have mothers some don't. Some are wards of the State, some aren't. The things they have in common are abuse, neglect, poverty, instability, gangs, drugs and poor choices in friends. Those are the things that got them where they are.

I spent the first day on the job going over, case by case, each of the girl's history. Thick files of their physical and psychological health, education, home life and criminal records. I'm so out of touch. I didn't grow up like these girls did. I can't relate. My father never beat or raped me. My mother never had a new boyfriend every week. I never had friends that encouraged me to steal cars and do drugs. I didn't have brothers or sisters that spent most of their lives locked up. I feel so out of touch with these girls. How can I be the force or change when I haven't lived their lives?

I'm afraid this is task is going to be like nailing jello to a tree, but not that much fun. BUT, and you knew there was a but, but, this is what I want to do. This is what I NEED to do. This is what I feel I've been called to do. I want to be a force of change in their lives. I can do this, if it doesn't kill me first. I CAN do this.

Food For Thought, Part 2

2006-06-20T06:13:00.000-07:00

Every day, passion speaks to us through our feelings. That's why when you allow yourself to become anesthetized by what others think, you literally block yourself from living the life you were called to live. I promise you that if you make a choice that doesn't please your mate, your friends, your mother, or whomever, the world will not fall apart. The people who truly love you want you to love yourself. And as you become clearer about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you, the first time around.

-Oprah Winfrey

Since starting this healthy eating and regular exercise routine I've spent a lot of time contemplating my food issues. Let me tell you, they are many. My weight has bounced from an emaciated 118 lbs. on my 5'7" frame to a whooping, none of your damn business! I've been all over the scale. Up, down, up, down and with those ups and downs have come major life changes. I see it now. I now know I seem to medicate with food. I acknowledge it and it will be something I have to work at every day.

It all started at birth. Mom, being the control freak that she is, made all of my baby food. Oh no, none of that Gerber crap, mother ground, pureed and smashed only the best for her baby. As a pre-schooler my mother would throw absolute fits because I didn't eat. She told my pediatrician that I was going to starve to death! Starve. To. Death. Now you mothers out there know that kids have more important things going on in their lives at that age than eating. Hell, Sesame Street is on and the Count is counting and I couldn't be bothered to take a bite of whatever my mother was coaxing me to shove down my gullet. One day in desperation, she actually measured the amount of food I ate and it equaled a whopping 2 tablespoons. Mind you this was one day, not an entire week. In a panic she called my pediatrician and told the good doctor of her plight of a non eating child. The pediatrician's response, "Joyce, don't force the issue. Kids know when they are hungry, she'll eat when she wants. If Krissy wants a cheeseburger for breakfast, make her one! Food is tricky with mother's and daughter's, don't push this issue, you'll create more problems than you are solving." Did mom heed the advise? Well, hell no. By God, she knew what was best for her child! And that my friends, are when the problems started.

I learned to eat, I didn't starve and in the 3rd grade or around age 9 I made the cognitive connection that me eating made my mother HAPPY, therefore, I ate and ate and ate some more. The more I ate, the less she nagged, the happier we all were and I ate till I was plump. Then came the comments from my grandmother, my mom's mom. I remember going to visit her on spring breaks and her putting me on a "diet". When most grandmothers spoiled their grand kids with homemade cookies mine made me boiled chicken and rice. Yum!

As I grew at an alarming rate in elementary into middle school, I thinned out. Puberty was good to me, I grew size C boobs over night and towered over most of the boys in my class. I was 5'5" in the 5th grade, not to mention popular with all that chest! Once I stopped growing, the eating didn't subside. In high school, I was 30 lbs. over weight but grew into my boobs, height and personality. Again, mom being the control freak that she is, couldn't stand me being over weight, so on the first of many diets I went, at 14. I shed the 30 lbs. but I also learned that mom didn't love me unconditionally, she only loved me if I looked a certain way. Everyone loves you if you look a certain way. At that point I believe my life long battle with depression started. All I wanted was to be loved unconditionally by my family, fat, thin, smart or stupid, but it wasn't to be. Consequently, being a plump teenager and being interested in boys was difficult. I had TONS of male friends, but no one person was a boy friend, per se. I wasn't confident enough with myself to be comfortable around boys. I was just everyone's friend.

In 1989 I left for college with a new found independence a few extra pounds, not to mention the inability to make good food choices. Mom cooked all of our meals so I hadn't the foggiest clue how to make decent choices. I'd always eaten what was put in front of me. Most woman gain the freshman "15", I gained the freshman 50! I came home from spring break that year to my mother putting me on yet another diet. I lost a few pounds but went back to the bad eating habits as soon as I was back on campus. If anyone is wondering, large quantities of pizza and beer are not healthful food choices. Moving out of the dorms into the sorority house the rest of my college years was a good move for me. In the house we had our house cook who was also a nutritionist. We ate healthy meals, every meal. I lost those 50 plus pounds and another 30. I watched as my sisters monitored their food carefully, some even doing the binge and purge action, some exercising to excess. I wanted to fit in so desperately that I restricted my food severely. I had to be thin to fit in. I tried throwing up once, but it grossed me out so badly I just stuck with restrictions and lots of studying. I was told by both my mother and grandmother that men loved smart, thin women. I wanted to be loved. Loved by my sisters, loved by a man and loved by my professors. I studied all day every day and I restricted my diet to 1000 calories, no more. It was a chore to seek acceptance all day, everyday.

I eventually graduated, took my first stressful job, met my husband and dropped to 118 lbs. All of my extended family on my husband's side met me at this emaciated weight. They never met the slightly plump or fat Kristin. As the stresses of planning a wedding, new marriage, job, home building, trying to conceive and life in general came as did the weight. I gained well over 100 lbs. as did the husband. He would laugh and tell people he didn't get fat by being lazy, he got fat because his new wife was a good cook. True as it is, we didn't do each other any favors. We both got lazy, busy, whatever and didn't take care of ourselves, not to mention we both medicated with food. Oh there was enabling, lots and lots of enabling.

A few weeks ago, at the fire department supper, husband's cousin said to me, "I remember how cute and thin you were when ya'll were dating." Thanks, I'm fat and ugly now, so noted. Verbalized comments like that sting. They cut. She didn't mean to hurt me, but it did. It's like I was hearing my mother say all over again, "You're not alright with me until you are thin." No one, to my knowledge, has ever discriminated against me because of my size. I'm the loud, funny one in the group, no one can't not like me! Everyone likes the funny, fat girl! Some time ago I was told by a male friend, in the course of conversation, that he wouldn't want to date me. Why I asked him, was it because of my weight? He said no, but somehow I don't believe him. That stung all over again and transported me back to being 16 again. Dejected by a male. Here I was, a bright, successful, happy woman feeling like she was a ackward teenager. In my memory bank of life that will forever stick like the time my grandmother stuck me in the ribs with her finger and said, "Fatty, fatty, 2x4, can't get through the kitchen door." I was 26 and we were in her kitchen, at Christmas. I was fat. When he rejected me I was 34 and I was fat.

I don't know what it is but for woman food, weight, love and acceptance are all intertwined. To men, food is just, well, food, nourishment, sustainence. I'll never understand why it's such an issue for women. Is it our culture, is it tv, magazines and movies? Is it our families? Sunday, my mother saw me in smaller clothes for the first time. She noticed how good I looked right away and said so. It felt good to finally hear something positive from her, but more importantly, I was proud of ME for the change I'd made. I, for the first time in 35 years, am making changes for me, not for her, not for doctors or the husband. Not for anyone. That is true progress.

County Grunt

2006-06-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

I received word today that I am now officially employed with THE COUNTY. I start Thursday. God help me, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Open Letters

2006-06-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

To The Online News Agencies (ie: MSN, Fox, CNN)- I will forever have Mr. Al-Zarqawi’s battered and bloody face emblazoned on my brain. Ever time I opened my internet browser the other day, up he popped. I realize that his death is newsworthy, but must we show a picture of his dead face? I finally changed my home page because I was tired of seeing that crap.

To Karl Rove-You are NOT invincible, you will be caught with your antics, not this time, but one day, my friend.

To Ben Roethlisberg-I’ve always maintained that stupid should hurt. Thanks for proving my point. How are parents suppose to get their kids to wear bike helmets when over paid assholes like yourself won’t wear a helmet to ride one of the fastest production bikes made? I realize this wasn’t your fault, some idiot turned in front of you and you weren't speeding, but still. Put a fucking helmet on next time, you aren’t made of Silly Puddy! Idiot.

To The Department of Defense-Now I know ya’ll are trying to not gloat too much about Mr. Al-Zarqawi’s death, but, please. I know you’re high-fiving each other in the corridors of the Pentagon. I have a question, if the intel was so good why didn’t you just capture him? Was it really necessary to drop bombs on a house, killing him and others in the process? Yes, he’s a crap-ass worthless sack of shit, but being happy about a death, any death, doesn’t make us better, it makes us look just as barbaric. Stop gloating already.

To Al-Zarqawi’s Successor-You know what happened to the last guy? It’ll happen to you to. You can take that to the bank. As long as Bush is in office you can’t run, you can’t hide, you will be found and suffer the same demise. You might want to re-think your career choice.

Whew! I feel better.

Alligator Mouth

2006-06-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

I'm good about listening to my alligator mouth over ride my hummingbird ass. It used to happen a lot. I'm learning, it's been a lot of trial and error and good dopeamine altering drugs, but I'm learning. God bless the drug companies, amen.

As I was saying, about a year ago I made a huge mistake, colossal in fact. I alienated a perfectly decent, honest and nice friend. I said some things that at the time, seemed appropriate, now, not so much. I'll spare you the details, they ain't pretty. I'm such an ass. I feel like an ass, as I rightly should. Yellow isn't my color and here I sit with egg on my face.

I don't know how to fix it and it's going to take more than an I'm sorry. There might be groveling involved and I'm not a good grovel-er besides I have the knees of a Baptist. Ugh, I'm such an idiot. What was I thinking?

Tomato Talk

2006-06-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Me: Put that tomato back!

Husband: Why? Dad grew them for us.

Me: Correction, he grew them for ME! Remember him showing you "Kristin's tomatoes" at Easter?

Husband: Where are the ripe ones?

Me: Gone.

Husband: Gone where?

Me: My stomach. I suggest you put that tomato down and step away before I'm forced to hurt you. I don't play when it comes to my home grown tomatoes.

Husband: You really want to wrestle me for a tomato?

Me: Yep and if I break a nail in the process then I'll really be pissed.

Random Tuesday

2006-06-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

Have I told ya'll lately how happy I am to be blogging again? You'd never know it by my infrequent posts, but I am. Bloggers are great people and I so enjoy reading everyone. I might not post a comment on every post but trust me, I read every one. Ok, just had to put that out there.

This post is going to be nothing but randomness, because, well, I've just got tidbits here and there.

Remember my friend Lori that popped up outta nowhere a few months back? She's back from maternity leave after 3 months. I got an email from her last week. Did I tell ya'll I wanted to make her a mini album she could leave on her desk at work to showcase the new bambino? Yeah, well the plan was to go see her in the hospital in Austin, take her flowers and the album until I was told that she wouldn't be accepting visitors, not by the nursing staff but by HER! Ok, yeah, fine, that cute little album will now be going to my friend Brandi who's due in September and who will appreciate it more. Thanks for the push away, I really needed that Lori.

In her email she told me all about the birth and how tired she is and how she didn't have the time to call, send pictures, email etc. I understand, she's a new mom. She asked how we were doing and I sent her a fairly lengthy email about the goings on in our life. Her response, more about her and the baby. Thanks for that lack of acknowledgement. Your emails will be short and sweet from here on out. You never change Lori, duly noted and entered into the record. I have zero desire to include her in my close circle of friends. I'll be polite and pleasant to her but that's it.

If ya'll haven't read Jack's http://www.texas-music.blogspot.com/ June 3rd post, please do. It got me thinking about the bond children have with their parents. I could devote an entire BLOG to my folks. I'll have to settle and put it in a few posts instead. To sum it up quickly, I wish I had a close bond with them. Well, wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which fills up first! At one time we were so close but their inability or allow me to make my own decisions about my adult life drove a wedge between us. It's all about control and being controlled. It's not healthy and we all suffer because of it. As much as I dislike my mother, I'm so very much like her in some ways and so very different in others. I'm different because I recognize her bad habits and strive to change them in myself. All I desire is a close relationship again, but it won't happen. Ever. I mourn that fact daily. Don't let me forget to tell you about our latest conversation where it was brought up that my dogs aren't welcome at her house because she doesn't like dogs inside. HELLO, they don't damage anything. They don't pee or make messes. They're good dogs. Millie has been visiting since she was a pup! Stop being such a control freak for one damn minute so your daughter, son in law and dogs can come visit!! It won't fucking kill you, I promise! I'm not really feeling the need to go visit any time soon. I dare her, DARE her, to ask me why I haven't been up to see them. Dare. Her. She is the one that alienates. That is squarely on her shoulders.

The husband's business is doing good. I'll have to post the entire story about how it came about, it's quite comical actually. He still has his full time job and this business is strictly part time for now. He wants to grow it so he can quit the day job and some point and be in business full time. Oh to dream! I wish he was home more, but I understand why he can't be here all the time. I'm supportive of him and his efforts and quite proud that he's making a dream of his come true.

Speaking of jobs, I'm still trying to wait patiently to hear something about a new job. I've jumped through all their hoops, offer me the job already!! Background checks suck and they take forever. It's now just a waiting game. Patience, grasshopper, patience. The contact for my current job is sitting on my desk, it's due the 16th. I can't bring myself to sign it and send it back to HR. I've been mulling over going back to school for some time now. I'd be a professional student if the pay was decent. I'm trying to narrow down my options. I'm thinking a MPA (masters in public administration) MSW (masters in social work) or MCJ (masters in criminal justice). If you have any ideas of what I can be when I grow up, hit me with your ideas. I'm all ears. The only saving grace, my grades were good enough in my post grad work that I won't need to take the GRE and I'm eligible for advanced standing. Praise Jesus! The LSAT was bad enough, I don't want to have to take the GRE. Bastard standardized tests!

I'm down a total of 37 lbs so far. I have weigh in tonight. My partner bailed on me. She started missing meetings with me, then going on different nights and I believe she's quit all together. I used to call her and check up and encourage her but she doesn't return calls. I helped her plan her husband's surprise 40th birthday party and after it was over in April I never heard from her again. I'm feeling used. She's dropped. Don't have time for shit like that or people who are users. Better to know this now, than invest time and energy in a friendship that will go nowhere (thanks for the lesson, Lori). My friend Denise will be joining me at Weight Watchers in a few weeks when she gets back from vacation. I so love her! She's just a good, decent, honest, loving person. I'm blessed to know her.

I've decided to take a free online class to learn how to digitally scrapbook. No, I'm not giving up my paper, scissors and glue. I didn't complete kindergarten for nothing, ya know! I'd like to learn how to use my photo editing software better and manipulate digital images. I can do all that and more with HP's digital scrapbooking basics class. If you're interested you can sign up here http://h30240.www3.hp.com/sessions/lessons/index.jsp?courseSessionId=4672 . You can even download free kits here http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/digitalKits.asp and a free trial version of Photoshop Elements here http://www.adobe.com/products/tryadobe/main.jsp#p40. The whole thing is FREE, that's so in anyone's budget. If you're interested, enroll and let me know so we can commiserate. The classes are two times a week and they begin June 15th. I can't wait to learn something new!

Ok done for now I think. I needed to post this so when I get stumped for things to write about I can look back for ideas. I hope everyone is having a great week!

History Nerd

2006-06-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

I'm a history nerd. There, I admit it. It's out there for everyone to see and read. You'll find me with my nose stuck in the biography section of the library, engrossed in whatever figure I'm fixated on this week. I just finished a book on Mary Queen of Scots. If I do read fiction it's usually heavily historical. I'm reading a series about the Amish now. Very interesting stuff. To add to the geek factor, I know the hows and whys of why WD-40 was created and I know Elsie the cow had a brother, Elmer, of white glue fame. How do I know this? Because, I'm a history nerd, pay attention!

I watch very little tv but when I do watch, it's usually something on PBS, the History Channel, National Geographic or Discovery Channel. I'm hoping one day I'll be on Jeopardy and my nerdiness will pay off, because quite honestly, I suck at Wheel Of Fortune. Last night I was taking it easy and was flipping channels and I came upon a series on C-Span. Ok, before you moan any louder, hear me out. It's a 9 hour series all about the Capitol Building. http://www.the-capitol.org The first 3 hours were last night, the next 3 are tonight and the last 3 are tomorrow. It's totally fascinating! It's broken down into 3 one hour segments and in between segments callers can call in with questions and capitol or national archivists or historians answer some of the best and most intriguing questions. One of the Capitol Historians has written a book and I totally intent to read it. See, my nerdiness just inched up a few notches. I can't help myself, blame my mother, she's a history nerd too. Who knew there was a history nerd gene? So if you like history, I'm recommending this series. Heck, you might even learn something, it'll be our little secret, one nerd to another.

Resolution Checkup

2006-05-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't checked on my resolutions lately so as they say, no time like the present.

#1 Make my health a priority-Yep, check. I'm down a total of 35 lbs. and feeling great. I can't wait to hit the 50 lb. mark so I can do something special for myself. I'm still trying to decide what. If you have any suggestions, put them in the comments, I'm needing some good ideas. As for my stomach, it's cooperating these days. All in all I'm feeling really good! Despite taking a good multi vitamin and eating according to the food pyramid, I'm very tired. Exhausted, actually. I need to figure out what that is all about.

#2 Scrapbook more-Well, I'm doing so so with this one. I just don't seem to have the time lately. I am getting together with girlfriends this weekend for 2 days of crops so hopefully I'll get a lot of pages done. I'm hoping being on MaggieMae's design team will get me scrappin' more at home too! I'm starting the first page of my all about me album, I'll post when the page is done.

#3 Meet a few bloggers-Check, check and double check. This month I met, April, Jeanette, Nanner, Tiny Hands, Sam, Zelda and Jethro. Wow, my life is so full with new friends.

#4 continue to cultivate new friendships-see # 3 I still need to contact one of my long lost friends from high school. I know where she is and I've got her email address. I just haven't had time to sit down and write the proper email.

#5 Use my camera and photo editing programs more-I'm still using Picasa and loving it! It's so easy and I'm really happy with the results I'm getting. I still have yet to master Photoshop or PSE. It will get done, it will get done....Manual mode is still the setting I use most on my camera. I haven't mastered the one I have, why do I want a new and more complex one?

#6 Read something other than a scrapbook magazine-This one I've fallen flat on. I'm just NOW caught up on my magazine reading and I need to start a couple of books I'm looking forward to reading. Maybe in a few months I'll be knee deep in books. Lets hope.

#7 Keep the faith-RCIA is on hiatus till the fall when we start another class. I'm going back for round 2 in the fall. I really enjoyed the whole process so I signed up to help out again. Still going to church weekly and enjoying it. I haven't joined a bible study and not really sure if I'm ready. Time will tell.

#8 See the glass half full-I guess I'm doing pretty good at this one, look at all I have accomplished and it's only the end of May!! I'm feeling so good about my life right now. Happier than I've been in years really. Yay me!

It Takes A Lot Of Money To Look This Trashy!

2006-05-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

Oh. No. Those are two words that strikes fear in the hearts of women around the world as they sit there in the colorist's chair with a box of tin foil on their hair. Those are the exact words that G uttered as I sat there cooking on Friday afternoon. Houston we have a problem, a bad problem! Abort! Abort!

Keeping in tune with my undiagnosed OCD I have to say that my hair color changes with the seasons. I've been ever color under the sun with the exception of platinum blonde. As a general rule, I'm usually much blonder in the summer. "Damn woman, dye those eyebrows!" and "No, the carpet and curtains don't match!" blonde. This year I did the opposite. Spending so much time in the pool, out in the sun, at the beach wreaks havoc on blonde highlights. This year I'd rather not spend my summer trying to not look like the Statue of Liberty.

Friday I made the decision to go back to my darker base color. My actual hair color has darkened as I've gotten older and now it's something akin to the color of mud, and I don't mean pretty mud either. So, G and I decided to warm my base color up with some red and add gold and copper highlights. Seems like a simple plan. Not so much.

I sat there for 3 hours and was colored and highlighted. When G came to check on the whole process she opened the foils around my face to find that my once blonde highlights were now salmon pink. Let me say that again. Salmon. Pink. Could those highlights be down by the nape of my neck? Fuck! No! Those were the ones that framed my freakin face!

Houston we are having a color em. er. gen. cy! She quickly neutralized with bleach and toner and the largest part of the disaster was aborted. The few stubborn ones that reminded were "razored and texturized out". Crisis averted and G lived to cut and color another day. I'm pleased with the final result but damn, for the first time ever I shit a proverbial Twinkie. I'm very brazen about my hair, it's just hair after all it'll grow back, right? In my panic all I could think of was going to two job interviews with salmon pink highlights! As you know people, it's all about the hair. As I was paying my bill and leaving G tossed her head back and said, "Hey Kristin, you'll be glad to know big hair is coming back in style." And all I could think of was, I knew Jesus was an Aqua Net fan.

Losing What's Left Of My Mind

2006-05-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

May has been a whirl wind, gone every weekend and then this past Saturday our annual volunteer fire department supper. For those of you that don't know, Roman and I chair this event. This is his 20th year and my 15th, 11 as his co-chair. Everything went swimmingly, attendance was down, despite the increase in city population. I'm bummed that people don't have a sense of community and would rather just pay their taxes than come out and be social and get to know their fellow citizens, fire and police personnel and city officials. The food rocked, lots of compliments to the chef (that would be me), smooth sailing kitchen wise and the auction did quite well. Roman's company's donation did particularly well. Our chief was happy, so we are happy. Happy and very tired and sore. At one point my girlfriend Dawn stopped by to support us and was told she could find me crawling around under a table in the kitchen. Yep, there I was on all fours, apron and plastic gloves groping around trying to plug in food warmers. It's a glamorous job, but someone has to do it. It's not a success until I'm wearing a little bit of all the food we serve.

After Saturday I thought my summer was free. Free of any commitments and time to enjoy a slower pace, longer days and hours upon hours in the swimming pool. Thursday afternoon, my dream of freedom came to an abrupt halt. I got two calls from two different agencies I'd applied with last month. They both wanted me to come in for interviews this week.

I'm not your typical employee. You won't find me spending 20 or 30 years with an agency and eventually retiring because my age and years of service have maxed out. That's not me. I go somewhere, I become good at what I do, great in fact, move up, then move on. I can't see me doing the same thing for 20 years. Not ever! I'm 35 and I'm on my 2nd career. I can't be stagnant, I can't do the same thing day in and day out, I must be challenged, because I bore easily. To sum it up, there are tons of careers out there, why should I be forced to do one for my entire life? I want to do A LOT of things. I'd like to be chef, I'd like to own a bed and breakfast, I'd like to own a non profit agency. See? No pigeon hole for me.

My first opportunity is working with the district attorney's office of a medium size county as a victim's advocate. The other opportunity is working with adjudicated juveniles in a treatment setting. If I get either of these jobs I won't be able to talk about work here. It's a privacy thing. Not my privacy, but the privacy of the "clients" I'll be working with. Lets say I might be going back to my criminal justice roots and I've lost my mind. In my defense, I miss being a social worker, I miss helping people. The money is shitty, the hours long but the rewards can be great. I don't get that now and I miss it. So, I've done gone and lost my mind as Roman says. I am the biggest glutton for punishment. I should know something in two weeks to one month. In the mean time I need to get my transcripts faxed, my MMPI scheduled and drug tests done. I was finger printed today and they're starting on my background investigation. It's amazing what I'll do for shitty pay and county benefits, but I'm pretty excited.

National Law Enforcement Week

2006-05-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

National Law Enforcement Memorial Week is this week. Having worked closely with sheriff's offices, city police departments and federal agencies for a large part of my career I've gotten to be good friends with those in law enforcement. The ones I'm friends with on a professional level exhibit nothing but professionalism and their dedication to their careers continually wows me. We have a few officers that are part of our close circle of friends and one in the family, so guess I just feel a special kinship with them which makes this week sorta special for me. The work they do is thankless and low paying and yet they get up and go to work, putting their lives on the line so we can sleep well at night. Let us not forget those who paid the ultimate price for a job they loved to do. Below is a poem that is on the California State Memorial in Sacramento. Thank an officer this week for all they do, shake his or her hand and say a hearty "thank you", heck pay for their dinner if you see them eating out. They deserve it.

I never dreamed it would be me
My name for all eternity
Recorded here at this hallowed place
Alas, my name, no more my face

"In the line of duty" I hear them say
My family now the price will pay
My folded flag stained with their tears
We only had those few short years

The badge no longer on my chest
I sleep now in eternal rest
My sword I pass to those behind
And pray they keep this thought in mind

I never dreamed it would be me
And with heavy heart and bended knee
I ask for all here from the past
Dear God, let my name be the last

Northbound 35

2006-05-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

I swear my ass is applying for residency status on my truck seat. How did I used to spend 2 weeks a month in a vehicle traveling? How? I've gone soft, or rather, my ass has gone soft. Just. can't. do. it. anymore.

My trip to Waco went fantastic! Yet more days of laughing till there were tears and I'm very ok with that. First, my "Donna" class was awesome. Honestly, I didn't learn much I didn't already know but it was so fun to just sit and listen to Donna teach. She's a damn HOOT not to mention cute as a button and down to earth! There was a whole Fiskars drill thing that took on a penis/balls/shaft connotation. If anyone can pull THAT off smack dab in the middle of the bible belt and get uproarious laughter is damn OK in my book. Confession time, I sorta have a girl crush on her after that. At the end of the class I went up to shake her hand and tell her thank you for coming and she said, "What with the hand? Gimme a hug!" This woman meets thousands of women every year and she seems to be at home anywhere AND to offer a hug and a thank you for coming to my class just seals the deal that this woman is a class act. That's her, up there, signing my 3, yes 3 books. Did I forgot get to tell you she's a published author? Yeah, she is, thrice over.

My friend April, whom I took the class with, has her very own stamp company, http://www.maggiemaestamps.com/. April decided that she'd give a little gift of stamps to Donna. Well Donna went nuts over them and told April she'd link her site on her blog. Do ya'll know what that means? Anything that nationally recognized scrapbookers touch turns to instant gold. Seriously. If they mention it, sales skyrocket. It's the weirdest damn phenomenon. Sorta lemming mentality, but hey, that'll work for April and her new stamp company. Donna knows what happens when things are linked on her blog and she's willing to put her name to April's product. That's damn nice and cool of her to do. Lets just say I think Donna Downey rocks.

I found someone who's more directionally challenged than I am. Just to let you know, I can fuck up Mapquest directions. I did it in Waco and ended up on the bail bonds, liquor stores and lounges side of town. I can get lost in a paper bag, I tell you! I wasn't equipped with a sense of direction upon leaving the womb. I popped out and said, "What light? That intersection? This doesn't look right. Shit, I'm lost, I'm pulling over for directions."After 30 minutes of driving in circles to find the IHOP, then the store to get my truck and 2, count them, 2, trips around the "circle" in Waco we made it back to our hotel room in Temple. Me in the lead, of course. Poor, poor April her gyroscope is jammed. It was like the blind leading the deaf, but damn funny.

When we got back to the room we stayed up looking over our purchases, talking girl talk, discussing MaggieMae and just generally getting to know each other. At 4 am we called it quits and fell asleep. 8 came early and April had to get back to Waco for her class at 10 with Donna. I went south, back home, but with a new friend and lots of laughs and memories.

*An aside, I lost 5.2 lbs. this week. I'm up to 35 lbs. and couldn't be happier with myself.*

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Last post of the week as I'm leaving for Waco early tomorrow morning. I'm off to meet up with my friend April and take some scrapbooking classes at Crop, Paper, Scissors http://www.croppaper.com/ from the famous Donna Downey http://www.donnadowney.typepad.com/. Yeah, I'm excited. Call me a scrapbook dork if you must, I'm soooo ok with that. I'll be back at it on Monday. In the mean time happy Mother's Day to all my mom readers and to everyone else, have a great weekend too.

Moms, for your viewing pleasure. Seem familiar to any of you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhcA4Ry65FU

Another MeMe, 'Cuz I Got Nothin'

2006-05-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

Accent-Negatory, good buddy. I'm from San Antonio, not Houston. We don't sport accents here. However, I do use the words, honey, hon, sugar, sweetheart, darlin', puddin' and pumpkin a lot, so that counts.

Booze of choice-Vodka, all vodka and nothing but the vodka, so help me GOD. Add tomato juice and I consider it a health drink. Any other booze makes me hurl and we won't discuss any and all abuse of whiskey in my 20's. It's something I'd rather not re-live, thanks.

Chore I hate-Honey, this is why I have a cleaning lady. To never ever have to scrub your very own toilets is a glorious thing.

Dog or Cat-Duh, dogs. And I want a 3rd weenie dog but the husband says no way. He'll be talked into it, he always is.

Essential electronics-MP3 player and the occasional cable channel I can't live without *coughhistorychannel/nationalgeographicchannelcough*.

Favorite perfume-Victoria's Secret Rapture

Gold or Silver?-Yes, in large quantities with big, big diamonds. I'm a girl of simple tastes.

Hometown-Schertz, TX or as I call it, the "we're getting less hick, northeast side of San Antonio".

Insomnia?-Ever notice how you'll get an email from me in at 2:45 in the blessed am? So that would be a yes.

Kids?-I love kids, they taste like chicken.

Living Arrangement-Homeowner with a husband and two horribly behaved dachshunds. Why? You wanna come visit?

Most admired trait-I have the ability to make people laugh, well as long as it's not at a funeral.

Number of Sexual Partners-Define sex....

Overnight Hospital Stays-None, however one more punch on my Baptist system ER card and I get a free nights stay. Yay!

Phobia-Heights, lets just say you won't find me jumping out of a perfectly good airplane anytime soon.

Quote-The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to accessorize.

Religion-Catholic. No, I've never had sex in a confessional, why do you ask?

Siblings-Zero, nada, none. That explains a lot doesn't it?

Time I wake up-Too damn early for my liking, thank you.

Unusual talent/skill-I'm very bendy, even for a fat chick, I'm bendy. ;)

Vegetable I refuse to eat-Turnips, they get two thumbs down and a double nasty!!

Worst habit-Having little or no patience. Next question!

X-rays-Leg, ankle, foot, stomach, colon....shall I continue?

Yummy foods I make-Heart Attack Chicken ranks high on the family's list along with my dressing at Thanksgiving. I have quite the flair with the avocado so I make guac that would make your granny weep.

Zodiac sign-Libra

Tagged By Jessi!

2006-05-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I gained .6 of a pound. Shit, shit, shit. This is the first gain since starting so I can't be too hard on myself. I made my 10% goal last week and I'm working on my next. Back on track this week. I learned that I can't travel and eat out 2-3 meals a day and loose weight. I now know how I got this damn fat. Knowledge is power, so says Allie.

I was tagged by Jessi, so here ya go Jess........

Four Best Jobs I have had....
1. parole officer
2. probation officer (it's ok to want to go back to that hell again, isn't it?)
3. working for the owner of a stamp company as a demo artist
4. working for Hallmark in college

Four WORST Jobs I ever had...
1. waitress (I actually tossed a roll at someone)
2. the current hell I'm in
3. de-frocked hostess after said roll throwing incident
4. probation/parole officer (it had it's ups and downs, toward the end, more downs than ups)

Four Movies I could watch over and over again...
1. The English Patient
2. Sixteen Candles
3. Bull Durham
4. Broke Back Mountain (I watch it for the scenery, so hush)

Four Places I have Lived
1. San Antonio/Schertz/Selma, TX
2. Denton, TX
3. Austin, TX
4. Hondo, TX

Four TV shows I love
1. The Bachelor (shuddup, I know)
2. Will and Grace (is it bad to want to be Karen Walker?)
3. Dirty Jobs (I now know I'll never be an alligator sexor)
4. Dog Whisperer (Cesar, oh Cesar, I NEEEEED you!)

Four Places I have been on "vacation"...
1. England (North, south, east and west Wales and Ireland too and they speak English, well sorta)
2. France (I'll never return)
3. Scotland (They've got my kinda climate)
4. Italy (If you haven't been, go, really.)

Four Websites I visit Daily
1. Two Peas........duh
2. tons of blogs
3. Weight Watchers
4. Ebay (once a week)

Four Favorite Foods
1. Carbs, carbs and did I mention carbs? That would be bread in all variations.
2. Laughing Cow cheese
3. Texas Roadhouse's chicken tenders
4. Saltgrass's baked potato soup

Four Places I would rather be...
1. Hawaii visiting friends
2. Florida at Disney
3. Vegas
4. San Fran

I am tagging...EVERYONE, just do it!

Blogmeet 2006

2006-05-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted and strangely, my stomach muscles hurt. It's not because I tried out Neighbor's stripper pole or from me waving my fists indignantly at the jackhole Houston drivers, it's because I laughed my fucking ass off this weekend. It was a one liner wonderfest, I tell you!

If you missed it, you missed out BIG and you will have to email someone who was there to get why all of us present are using the the term "twelcome" and we scream like girls with jazz hands extended. Let me just say, the hilarity of it gets lost in translation and you really needed to be there. Next year, please attend so we can all be on the same blogging page. Tanks.

I would like to thank Brighton http://brightonandbear.blogspot.com/ and Trav for letting me crash at their place. Silly me, I decide to try and book a room on THURSDAY. Yeah, so much for that. Nothing was available within a 20 mile radius because of Keels and Wheels. So, I made a quick call to Chateau B and begged for a room to which I was given the most comfy twin bed in history, or I was really really tired Saturday night. Either way, I slept oh so well. It was great to see the kids and John again too. I so love B's kids, makes me wanna go out and kidnap a few for kicks. The girl is seriously funny ya'll. I believe everyone needs to have a least one friend like B. I was so happy to see her new house too! Can't wait for them to move and get settled. This move is such a great thing for them.

I got to meet Nanner http://blackpunkin.blogspot.com/ and Jeanette http://www.nicehatblog.com/ Saturday at the Kemah boardwalk. I swear Nanner and I could have just hung out and hugged all day. That girl gives seriously good hugs, my kinda hugs. We chatted over lunch at Saltgrass and talked about her son, Nate. That boy is lucky to have a mom like her. I wish'd I had a mom like the Peachy One. We also talked about jobs and my never ending search for the perfect one. Did I mention Mistress Peach can totally rock a field sobriety test after one too many shots of Patron? Oh yes she can and do a piroette to boot! The girl totally rocks my socks off, 'nuff said.

I got to sit next to Jeanette at lunch. Folks, if you've never met J, MEET HER! She's wickedly funny despite her claim of shyness. How much fun was it telling the whole table about her experience riding a huge cock on the boardwalk carousel? To have her explain it is pure hilarity. It's worth the price of admission just hear her say the word cock 10 times. Throw a fuck and a shit in there and you've got the trifecta of Jeanette's humor. Who knew she's got a potty mouth?!?! How could something that cute and innocent looking have a raging potty mouth!?!?OH and those dimples. I'd kill and eat a small mammal to have those dimples. She's got to be the most photogenic person alive. And, and she's got a great job. That bitch. :)

Saturday night I got to meet Tinyhands http://tinyhands.blogspot.com/, Jethro http://chirotechnics.blogspot.com/and Zelda http://sleepingugly.blogspot.com/ . First thing we had do was to inspect Tiny's (not so) tiny hands. He was forced to put his hand up to everyone's for comparison. Tiny's got a new nickname, Not So and he answers to it. The boy is also funny as a drooling bus passenger and he's single ladies. Cute and single. Tiny you now have no less than all of us women bloggers trying to pimp you out, deal bud, just deal. We're marrying you off some way, some how. There was some dialing going on after dinner and I got to talk to Ali http://www.cocktailsandsmokes.blogspot.com/. How great was that?!?! She and Tiny have been buddies for quite some time and it was great to actually get to TALK to the jaw-jah peach. I wished she could have been there but maybe next time.

I have a secret. OK, a confession. Jethro and Zelda make it into Kristin's "couple she'd most likely want to have a 3-some with" category. First, Jethro is just the cutest thing ever! I've had a crush on him for quite some time and you know what? He's damn cuter in person!! Zelda? What's not to love about Z? When she told me her bosoms have almost killed Jethro more than once, I fell in love at that very moment. The woman says things I'd love to, but I don't have the balls to and did I mention she's married to a hottie? Add the 900 phone sex operator voice she's got and oh my goodness, a total delight!! Can't wait to see them again.

I wished I'd gotten more time with Sam and Stephanie. They are the nicest couple! So friendly and outgoing they jumped right in and were just "one of the gang". I wish I knew Sam's blog address, but I can't seem to find it. If you know what it is, please leave it in the comments so I can go over and start visiting him. Fun folks, can't wait to spend more time with them too.

All and all he had a wee bit o' fun. Did I mention B took us over to Neighbor's house to show us "the stripper pole"? Upon leaving Jeanette says, "I'm disappointed I'm not going to see you dance". How could B disappoint her? She flew all the way in from California for god's sake! So, B cranked up the tunes and danced for us. I've got pictures my friends and no they aren't for sale and yes she was dressed, you freaks. We're not like that, we just sleep in the same king sized bed together hang panties from the ceiling fan and tell Tiny that we would "so fuck him". Gutter brains.

Remember in high school you had Senior Superlatives, or as I call them, "the most likelys". I've made my own Blogmeet 2006 Superlatives. Here goes:

Inanna-Most Like To: have Jose Cuervo's love child
Jeanette-Most Likely To : tongue a bear then call him a fucking bastard
Brighton-Most Likely To: channel Molly Ringwald's ghost from Breakfast Club
Travis-Most LikelyTo: to leave B for an asian at Bush Intercontinental
Tinyhands-Most Likely To: end up becoming a peach wrangler as his day job
Zelda-Most Likely To: sport a gun as a form of foreplay
Jethro-Most Likely To: need an adjustment after sex with Zelda and her bosoms
Kristin: Most Likely To: get a nasty letter from tree huggers about her single handedly depleating the ozone layer with her abuse of hairspray

(Ok in my defense it IS Houston and it IS humid as all hell)

So, when are we doing this again, kids?

Dreams Really DO Come True

2006-05-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've been a member over at http://www.twopeasinabucket.com for quite some time. I post a lot but I also lurk a lot. I love to look at the gallery and get inspiration. The talent on the board is amazing! Certain Peas consistently stand out in my mind, April Mensik and Cynthia Roybal are two of my favorites. Don't tell them but I "scraplift" a lot of their work.

Last year, I noticed on a post of April's that she now had a blog. Being an avid blog reader I clicked on the link in her signature line that went to her blog. I immediately bookmarked her, because I'd stalked her layouts in the gallery for quite some time and I wanted to learn more about her. Blogs are a great way of doing just that!

Last Spring April was in the final stretch of school and preparing her portfolios for graduation. She was stressed so I decided to email her a daily thought, phrase or reflection. I'd been in her shoes and I knew what she was going through and wanted to help her get by. She graduated with flying colors and we became friends and as they say the rest is history.

Less than a year after graduation, today, April made a dream of hers come true. She opened her own business. http://www.maggiemaestamps.com/ April is one of the strongest people I know. She's had to overcome lots of personal obstacles and adversity in her life. I don't care to go into the details here, but let me say, this woman is flat out amazing! She gets knocked down and dusts herself off and gets back up with her chest out and chin up. All that, talent, drive, determination and always there for her friends. She inspires me. If she can make her dream come true, I can get off my whinny ass and do it too.

Wanna know the really cool part? She believe in me too. She has graciously asked me to be a part of her design team. Me! She's got enough talent to do all the page samples herself. Instead of gathering all the thunder herself, she's decided to surround herself with amazingly talented women to plug her company and work designing page samples to showcase her stamps..... and and and I'm a part of that! I'm humbled. I hope I never let her down. She's entrusted me with a part of her dream.

Sweets, here's to making all your dreams come true, long nights of more IMs, silly questions and quotations and frenzied calls of "What do I do?". I'm cheering you on, praying that God guides you and wishing you all the best of luck. Love you babe!

My Space Nightmare......come true

2006-04-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

I'm outta the loop on a lot of things, ok most things, especially teenage things of today. I'm a geek and stick my head in a book or documentary, I'll readily admit that. Not having children puts me even farther back on the learning curve. Right now, I'm feeling old. So very old.

At first, if you met my nephews you would say they are shy. Very shy. With us, not so much. Roman is spending more and more time with them, as they're working for him part time, so they are getting a lot of quality time with their dear uncle. I get my fair share too, so no complaints. Love my boys.

J-bird, ie:oldest nephew, was telling me tonight he has a My Space page and that every kid in his school has one. Ok, so I know it's the hot thing going but I just worry about him putting too much stuff out there, if you know what I mean. So tonight I get nosey, Nosey Aunt Kristin, that's me. I found his My Space page. Sweet Jesus in a juice box, I'm not ready to have a 16 year old nephew. NOT. READY. AT. ALL. Why can't he just be the cute 1 year old I met so many years ago? When did he grow up and become a man? A 6'1" 240 lb. driver's license toting man. And how the fuck did I miss it?

Tagged!!

2006-04-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

5 Things in my fridge:

Laughing Cow light cheese
pineapple
yogurt, shit loads
old cole slaw that needs to get dumped
V-8

In my closet:

jeans
t-shirts
work slacks
work skirts
my token south texas coat/wind breaker

In my purse:

PDA
2 checkbooks
3 lip glosses/lipsticks
cell phone
prescription sunglasses

In my car truck:

paper towels
maps of Austin, Dallas, Houston and a Ferguson of San Antonio
CDs
cell phone charger
bank deposit slips

On my Tivo/DVR:

Please. What's that?

Flat Tire

2006-04-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

I'm deflated. I didn't make it to my first goal tonight. I need a beer or 10. Scratch that, I need a big mexican plate and a side of queso and tequila.

That's Texas Right There!

2006-04-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

You know you're a slacker blogger when people start calling your ass to make sure you're still alive. Hi, I'm Kristin, I'm a slacker blogger. No excuses, just lazy, busy and trying to get my ducks in a row for the upcoming month. I'm going to be a busy girl in May. I'll be all over the state and to cap off the travel I'm chairing a volunteer fire department supper for a city. You try feeding a hungry city and getting them to write huge checks for new equipment, it's a talent I tell ya! This is my 11th year. Next year will be my 12th and so on. You get my drift. If ya'll are going to be in the San Antonio area the 3rd Saturday of May, come, bring your check books, there's cheap beer and food in it for you.

On the weight loss front I'm 2 lbs. short of my first goal of 28 lbs. I fully intend to go to weigh in tomorrow and meet my goal. If I don't, I'm going to be very disappointed. Crying in the corner, sucking my thumb and sing kumbaya, disappointed. I plan on taking this weight loss thing in 25-30 lbs. incriments and right now I need this goal to happen!

Changing gears....Little did ya'll know, I'm somewhat of a music geek. You won't find CD one of 50 Cent in my house or of Pink or Gwen Stefani. They do nothing for me musically. Some of the crap out there just makes my ears bleed and teeth itch. I do admit to an eclectic taste though. I do own Eminem, Bach, Beethoven and Mozart, Pat Green, Norah Jones, Kenny Chesney, The Eagles, Def Leppard, Cooder Graw, Ozzy Osborne, Rascal Flats, Gary Allan, Josh Gracin, Montgomery Gentry and ZZ Top to name just a few. Just a wee eclectic.

Once upon a time I went to college with the aspirations of becoming a concert pianist. I'd taken lessons from age 5ish and had been to several national piano playing competitions and received high marks and was told if I kept up, it could easily make it a career. But alas, it wasn't meant to be, it was more of my mother's dream and not so much mine. She was more than disappointed when I changed my major from music. She nearly stroked out when I gave up the piano all together at age 21. I haven't touched it since. I do still have a love for good music.

I'm in a music rut right now. It seems like all the Nashville stars that I listen to are just, blegh. Not much is turning me on. When I was in college we'd go and listen to live Texas born and breed country music ever weekend. You might have heard of a few, Pat Green, Robert Earl Keen, Jerry Jeff Walker, Charlie Robison and Cooder Graw. I loved those guys and there is nothing better than going to an old dance hall, ice cold beer in hand and listening to good 'ol Texas country. Some of those guys have sold out to Nashville and are going more main stream. Can't blame them they have bills to pay. So lately, I've been on a hunt for new music to listen to in the truck or in my office. I'm craving good 'ol Texas country.

I found a few that I want to share with you. Most will be in San Antonio or in the area at one time or another and you can guarantee I'll be there to see them this summer, beer in hand. You can hear some of their songs at the links below. If you don't get the allure of the music, sugar, you never grew up in Texas and heard a man work a steel guitar. Pity really.

1100 Springs: the Eagles meet Johnny Cash Texas style, listen to Why She Been Gone So Long. I can listen to their stuff all day long!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=29930211

Max Stalling: If you like fiddle and "old" Nashville swing you'll like Max. Check out Blue Eyes. I can't put my finger on who he sounds like but it's a new and improved version and ROCKS.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=42726926

Jason Boland and The Stragglers: Listen to Somewhere Down in Texas, great mellow, river floatin' song. Awesome steel guitar work! Who am I kidding, I love all of his stuff.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=26303943

Last but not least....Roger *sigh* Creager: Slap some cream gravy on him and eat him up like a biscuit. Check out the song, Love. He's a fine piece of man, by the way, that's him, up there, floating the 'Lupe in Gruene.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=34098240

Employment Plague And Such

2006-04-03T23:13:00.001-07:00

The and such, first. I know, I know, save it. This place is a wreck and the owner should be shot for desertion. Inch of dust on the header and cob webs everywhere, it's pitiful at best, I know. I hang my blogger head in shame. In my defense, I've been busy. Doing what, you ask? I have no damn idea but I've been busy, so there.

I've decided that I'm going to post a recipe a day just so ya'll don't have to look at the same sad post day in and day out. *I* hate looking at the same shit, so I know ya'll probably do also.

On the Weight Watchers front, I'm .2 shy of 20 lbs. Tomorrow is weigh in and I'm a little nervous. I haven't been working out like I should and I ate out 3 times this week, but tried to make decent food choices. We'll see if I loose tomorrow. I'm wanting to hit my first goal by the end of the month.

Ok, on the employment front, the current gig is played. the. fuck. out. It's time for a change before I kill someone or crawl up in the fetal position, suck my thumb and cry for mercy. I have no less than 20 job applications in. That's a lot! Have I heard squat? Um, no. It's like I have the employment plague and no one wants to hire me. I'd like to say I'm applying in only one narrow field. Not so. I've applied in every field I'm qualified for and yet, nada. I'm starting to take this shit personal. Listen people, if I put on a skirt and come interview with you, it's a huge leap so at least humor me and offer me the damn job.

I talked to my friend Dawn tonight and she could hear the positive attitude in my voice and she mentioned how great I sounded. She's seen me at my worst and yet, still remained my friend, even when I didn't deserve her friendship. She said that there is something out there for me and my attitude will attract the right position. I hope she's right because she made me believe it.

Weighty Decisions

2006-03-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

.4, that's all I lost this stupid week. Less than a half of a freakin' pound. Shit, shit, shit! I know, I could have gained and there's no one to be frustrated at other than myself. I made the choices I did this past week and the scale told the tale. Scales don't lie, well unless you retain water like a dike. That's dike, not dyke, just for clarification. So, if you're keeping track that's a grand total of 12.8 lbs. so far. I was hoping to hit 15 this week but it wasn't to be. Next week I'm not too sure how I will do because it's typically the week I loose the least due to um, woman issues. I'll leave it at that. This week I need to watch my portions more carefully and keep eating fruits, veggies and grains high in fiber. My colon will love me for it and so will the scale.

I started going to meetings on Wednesday and was sort of luke warm about our leader. She was OK, I'd been around worse. We switched to Tuesdays due to Ash Wednesday and we've keep going to the Tuesday meetings because they are FABULOUS!!! I can't say enough good things about Paula, our leader. She talks with everyone before the meeting to discuss problems or obstacles they are having and when the meetings start.......oh boy, she has the best talks! She keeps us totally engaged the entire 30 mins. I almost wished the meetings were an hour, yes, she's that good! She totally motivates and encourages me, which I adore. The ladies in the meeting are great too. Most are super friendly and talk with you before the meeting about foods or recipes they like and someone is always handing out a recipe they tried and loved. It's a great meeting and there's a reason it's a full house each Tuesday night.

I had an ah-ha! moment last week. And of all places to have this ah ha! moment? The shower. What can I say I do some of my best thinking while conditioning my hair. This isn't a diet. This is the way I'm going to be eating 1.) to loose the weight 2.) to maintain my loss and 3.) to be healthy and live a long life. This isn't something I'm going to do for a year and then stop. If I do, I'll gain it all back. This is a life change. I finally put two and two together and figured it out. That's pretty big for me.

I've been a slacker on the exercise. I know I need to get off my ass and move but it's not so easy when most of the things you enjoy require you to sit on your lazy ass. Tonight's talk was about fitness and moving. We're not talking marathoning or Iron Man here. Just getting off of your ass and doing some sort of physical activity. I bore easily so walking the track at the high school doesn't do much for me. I loose interest after the first lap. I can buddy up with someone but I find I walk slower so I can talk, which isn't exactly beneficial. Same thing with walking the neighborhood. Hey look, same house, look here, oh yeah, same house. *yawn* Couple the bore factor with sweat and you've got my dilemma in a nut shell. I'm going to try yoga. It's on at 5am on the Oxygen Network and runs Monday through Friday for an hour. If I don't want to get up that early I can always record it and do it in the evenings after work. I've never done yoga but I've heard great things about it and I don't see those folks huffing and puffing and sweating like a whore in church either. I'm also interested in trying Curves. I've heard good and bad things about the program but I'd like to go try it for myself, curiosity and all. Tonight I bought a tennis racket and some balls. I'm going to go to the junior high school and hit some balls on their court boards. I've always liked tennis and golf but due to my weight I quit doing them. It's time to get back at it. I'll let you know how the exercise program is going, I'm kinda pumped to start doing something again.

Last topic, I'm a little frustrated with my Weight Watchers partner. She's nice and all but there is just that *something* about here that sticks with me the wrong way. Don't get me wrong, she's nice and very supportive but I guess I feel she's not as committed as I am. I need to just let that go. She's doing the plan her way and I'm doing it mine. I can't control anyone by myself. Ok, letting it go. Done. Over.

Oh, one other vent. My Mother. You know there's a nasty streak in that woman that I'm not sure what to do with, so I try and ignore it. When I called her to tell her what I lost my very first week her response to my 6+ pound lost, "Well, most of that is water weight." Um, thanks, Mom. Now why couldn't she have said, "Way to go, I'm proud of you, keep up the good work!" Why? Now I know most of it was water or all water but way the nastiness? Last week when I called to tell her about my 4+ pound loss she said, "Do you plan on stick with it this time or are you going to quit like last time?" Um, HELLO that was 1987 and who wants to go to Weight Watchers, forcibly with your mother on a Saturday morning when you're 17?!? Show me a teenager that does and I'll show you a freak. Fact remains, I'm getting some passive aggressive vibes from her and I try and not take them in and let them effect me. No, I will NOT let her words effect me. Again, I can't control what others say or do I can only control my reaction to them. My Mother's negativity will not hurt me or sway my resolve. So there. Done. Over.

I think I've said everything I need to about Weight Watchers. I'm still super motivated and looking forward to next weeks weigh in. Wish me luck.

She's Alive!!

2006-03-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

Yep, I am, and I'm totally neglecting my poor blog. I'm sorry to all my readers. I really need to get in a better frame of mind to post more often. I guess I don't post because I don't have anything witty, charming or funny to report, just the same 'ol same 'ol and who wants to read that crap!?! Well, I shouldn't say same 'ol, we've had some things going on around here that I haven't posted about and need to. So, this week, I'm going to devote a daily post on what's been going on around here, so ya'll can get caught up.

Here are the future topics:
1.) My weight and subsequent weight loss and weight loss partner 2.) Roman's new business and 3.) talking to my first cousin, whom I haven't spoken with since 1997. Whew! Big things in the works and it feels good. So, I'll start tomorrow and get ya'll all caught up.

Tonight I need to do a check of my new year's resolution check list:

1.)Make my health a priority!

Got all my tests back and other than the hiatal hernia acting up, nothing else is wrong with me. Ok, I'm sure there is in the head department, but that's a different post. I'm taking my meds as scheduled and eating my fruits as recommended. My painful attacks have all but subsided. I did have an attack Friday night but it went away as fast as it came on. All and all, totally manageable. I lost 4.8 lbs. last week and I weight in tomorrow. Not sure if I lost, we ate out twice this week but both times I made good choices. I'm spending way too much time on the Weight Watchers message boards getting ideas and recipes. I need to be out walking! I'm not all about the exercise but I must to justify the $200 Z-Coil tennis shoes I just bought.

2.)Scrapbook more.

Not so much. Why can't I get motivated? April and I are going to Waco in May to take some classes by Donna Downey. That's great and all but I need help NOW! I'm guessing my energy is going to weight related matters at the moment not to mention our group isn't getting together as much as we used to.

3.)Meet a few bloggers.

I had the opportunity to go to Austin today and meet Dooce AKA Heather Armstrong. I didn't go. They were having a meet and greet in a little itty bitty tiny coffee house and the crowd was going to be insane! I opted to snuggle with the dogs instead, sue me. Meeting up with April in Waco and going to a blogger meet in Houston in May. Can't wait for either of those two things. Trisha and family are packing it to this side of Texas for the weekend and we're getting together and planning some fun. Plenty of blog material I'm sure. Some sort of craziness always happens.

4.)Continue to cultivate friendships.

Always willing and open to new friendships, however they may come.

5.)Use my camera and photo editing programs more.

Did it on the last batch need to do it on the next batch. I have several events I need to edit and print up. It's on my to do list, honest.

6.)Read something other than a scrapbook magazine.

STILL reading Dr. Phil's books. It's been painful, let me tell you. I've had them forever but those stupid scrapbook magazines and idea books keep making their way onto my "to read" shelf.

7.)Keep the faith.

We're in the final stretch of RCIA with our candidates. They've signed their names into the Book Of The Elect. 33 men and women will receive the sacraments on Easter vigil. A huge time in their lives and in mine. It reminds me when I went through many years ago. I'm reading my daily Lenten prayer book and I made an altered journal for prayer intentions. Hey, I'm old and I need to write them down or I'll forget! I'm contemplating what to do with my Thursday nights when RCIA is over. I'm mulling over several bible study groups.

8.)See the glass half full.

I feel like I've never been as positive and self assured as I am right now and I am so lovin' it! I can't help but pass along the sunshine. Forgive me if you hate perky, but I'm perky, sue me.

Not too bad. I'm doing better this year with my resolutions than in years past and I'm so happy about that.

I've Got Personality, Yes I Do!

2006-03-01T20:03:00.000-08:00

Remember that funk I had back in January, the henta-ebola-avian bird thing? Yeah, well that's back. Next year, I'm getting a flu shot.

I got an email from a friend, one that doesn't know I blog and he passed along a personality quiz. Rather timely I think, so here, take it and let me know how you did. I was a 42. Not bad, I can live with being someone who'll always cheer others up and help them out.

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon, early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk...

a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head down

e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you..

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with..

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) your legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) big appreciated laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...

a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're
interrupted.....

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before
going to sleep you are..

a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

a) falling

b) fighting or struggling

c) searching for something or somebody

d) flying or floating

e) you usually have dreamless sleep

f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with
care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely
dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you,
but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather
impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions,
though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who
takes
chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company
because of the excitement! Not you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing,
practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the
center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to
their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding;
someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful &
practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not
a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's
extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same
loyalty
in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to
shake your trust In your friends, but equally that it takes you a long
time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They
see
you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It
would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on
the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully
from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this
reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and
indecisive,
someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to
make
the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or
anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that
don't
exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well
know that you aren't.

Updates, Updates and More Updates

2006-02-28T17:11:00.000-08:00

Let me just say how happy I am that The Bachelor picked Sarah last night. So happy! This is the first time in all the seasons I've watched that I picked correctly, in fact, I loved her from the beginning and was hoping she'd be the one. Yay me! Yay Travis and Sarah!

Since tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I have to distribute ashes tomorrow night at 7, I can't make it to Weight Watchers, so I went tonight. I'm happy to report, I lost another 1.2 lbs. I like this leader much better so I might have to talk my partner into going with me on Tuesdays instead. She was sick tonight and couldn't make it.

We haven't had a Breeder update lately, that's because it's been quite over yonder. However, Mrs. Breeder moved out, again. She's been gone for two weeks. At first I thought she was working a lot, because you know, her lazy husband doesn't have a job yet. I saw her coming the other morning the pick the kids up for school and then drop them off in the afternoon. She's definitely not living there. No matter what time of day it is, her suburban isn't there. Hmmm, wonder what's going on. Oh and their house is no longer for sale, there go my hopes of them moving out.

I'm happy to report I saw Dakota over the weekend and he survived his bike accident. He had to have a couple of stitches, but he's on the mend. We're happy about that.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which officially kicks off Lent. I intend to spend more time in silent prayer and less time in scrapbook stores spending money. I'm giving up all supply shopping with the exception of cardstock. Cardstock is a staple and I buy it on an as needed basis. I don't even need page protectors or adhesive!

I'm feeling better about Lori. I'm just going to let it go. You know, I let her go once and I can do it again. I'll cheerfully return her emails but that's it. I'm not getting involved with her life. She's doing fine without me and I'm doing fine without her. Why try and fix what ain't broke?

I'm still a little perplexed as to why one of my good friends thinks I'm self absorbed. Does she really think this or was it just an off the cuff, trying to be funny remark. Either way it hurt. If she knew me 15 years ago I would say, yes, I was a self absorbed bitch. Growing up an only child is difficult. Everything revolves around you, especially with parents who wanted a child do badly and couldn't for so many years. So, when you finally arrive, you hung the moon and then some. Trust me, that wears off on a kid and I'll readily admit I was probably a brat. Not an obnoxious brat, because I was shy but a brat when things didn't go my way at home. Those ways are tough to mend. It's taken a lot of personal reflection and deciding if my behavior was getting me the desired result. It wasn't, so I've slowly had to change my ways. It's been difficult, but I'm making strides. I know I'm not perfect but I sure would hope that if I died tomorrow my friends wouldn't use the words self and absorbed in my eulogy.

I'm contemplating a career change. I need something new. I have career ADHD if you didn't know. I need a new challenge. I'm going to apply for a few positions with San Antonio's largest employer. I'll keep you posted on that.

In keeping with the ADHD/OCD/anal retentive theme, I've been doing some spring cleaning. First it was the pantry. I've decided on what I'm doing in there, by the way. The walls will stay white (boo, hiss) but I'm adding a navy painted border at the top. In that border we're adding actual horse shoes and tin stars tied with red bandana. There'll be some rope entwined in there too. It'll keep with the theme of my kitchen and blend, just fine. I'm still not sure if I'm going to paint my baskets in there or not. I'm loving my pantry right now, it's so neat and organized.

This past weekend was organize and donate day of the master closet. Our closet is so huge it should have it's own zip code. We threw away and gave away tons of stuff! After a trip to The Container Store I'm happy to announce my closet is clean and organized and I can actually find things! Novel concept, I know. I actually found a skirt I forgot I had!

Whew! That's a lot of stuff. Ok, off to go label my shoe boxes, because I'm OCD like that.

Wondering........

2006-02-27T08:53:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling sort of dejected and not so great right now and no, it's not health related.

I got an email from Lori last week telling me she'd been to the doctor and the bambino is in the chute and ready to roll. So, any time now she might go into labor. I replied that Roman and I'd like to come see the baby. I was planning on making a mini album for her to put on her desk or credenza at work. The reply I got, "Chris and I are going to be too busy and tired to call people and I'm really going to use the time in the hospital to rest up." Alrighty then. Guess we're not going to Austin to see her. Stick a fork in me, I'm done with her. All I wanted to do was share in her joy of having had a baby, but I'm not invited. Whatever.

Saturday night I was with some girlfriends and we were chatting as always, we do that well, you know. I can't remember the topic of conversation but one of my friends said to me, "Kristin, it's not always about you." Uh, ok. Now that's got me wondering, am I self absorbed? DO I indeed make everything about me? I try really hard to think of others, because you know, I didn't learn it as an only child, so as an adult I have to work at it. The past few years I think I've made great strides. Anyway, the comment cut, hard and I was quiet the rest of the night. I just sat there wondering and working on my project.

Last week I interviewed for a job that I'd be good at, not to mention qualified for. I called just now to see if a decision had been made, it had, and I didn't get the job. *sigh*

At 1:45 I have to go to my GI doctor and discuss with him my test results and progress. This should be fun. I'll post more later about my prognosis.

This And That Thursday

2006-02-22T21:48:00.000-08:00

Here's a planner I made for myself prior to knowing I was getting PDA for Christmas. Now I have no need for it. If anyone would like to give it a good home let me know and it's yours. I'll take my name off of it and put yours on.

WW Update: I lost a total of 6.4 pounds this week. I don't feel 6.4 pounds lighter but I'll take it.

Last week I was sitting in my office, on my computer as usual, and I saw a bunch of kids outside riding their bikes. I saw one kid fall off and I thought to myself, "Ouch! Get up buddy, shake it off, you're fine." I looked back down and started typing again and then I heard a sound that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It was a child wailing, not crying, but wailing.

I didn't look up to see what was going on. I immediately jumped up and ran outside to find a boy, about 10, holding his finger, his bloody and bruised finger. He was screaming so loud the other kids he was playing with took off. I asked him to let me see it. It was bad, I saw more flesh than I wanted to, especially of a person I didn't know.

I scooped him up in my arms and ran him to my car, I ran in the house and grabbed my car keys. Before I pulled out of the garage I asked his name. Between sobs I got the name Dakota. I introduced myself, choking back tears and told him I was going to take him home so his parents could help him. I asked him to calm down and tell me where he lived. He nodded in the direction of the street behind ours.

I grabbed his good hand, squeezed it tight and off we went. We pulled up to his house. I helped Dakota out of my car, his little shirt covered in blood. The poor thing was still sobbing, lower lip quivering. I didn't knock on the front door, we walked in and he started to call for his mom. She came running down the stairs to meet a strange woman, holding her son tight and Dakota sobbing uncontrollably.

He tells his mom what happened and I tell her it happened in front of my house. She was grateful that I returned him home. I couldn't let go of him. I was stroking his hair and I kissed his hand and told him it was going to be alright. I had to leave, I did all I could do.

Looking back, even though I have no children, my mommy instincts kicked in. I wanted to make his pain go away and I wanted to hold him tight and tell him it would be ok. I guess I wouldn't have made a bad mom after all.

Passing Chalk

2006-02-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay on the update. Really, I need to get in a better posting groove.

Let's see....the small bowel follow through went off without a hitch, well sort of. My appointment was at 8am so I rolled out of bed, threw on some sweats, brushed the hair and teeth and I was out the door. I got to my appointment. just in time except, I was at the wrong imaging center. Dr. C's office gave me the wrong address. No worries, the receptionist called the other centers and found out where I was suppose to be. Seriously, I felt like a freshman on the first day of high school, lost and looking for my English class.

15 minutes later I'm at the correct place and ready for my test. I was dying of thirst because I had to fast (no food or water after midnight). I usually get up, take my meds with a huge glass of water first thing in the morning. Not yesterday, so when the radiology tech handed me my first glass of barium I chugged it like a frat boy on Friday night. I could have cared less that my white ass was hanging out of my hospital gown, I was thirsty damn it! He was most impressed and handed me a 2nd glass. That one went down quick and I didn't even gag, not once! Again, I impressed the tech. He said he'd have a gold star for me when I left. I told him the long and sordid story of my gut issues and he immediately understood why I did so well downing the barium in record time.

Mr. Tech took some initial slides and then put me in my personal cubby to watch tv while the barium when to work. 20 minutes later he retrieve me and took some more slides. He said things were progressing. Back to my cubby I went to watch more of the Lifetime network. 30 minutes later, back I go for more slides. This time we're ready for the radiologist. He does a quick ultrasound and says I need another cup of barium to get things where they need to be. WTF?!? Honestly, if my foot would have reached I would have kicked him square in the nuts. Twice.

Back to my cubby I went with yet another cup of barium. 30 minutes later I'm back for the final slides. The radiologist had me turn left, right, up, down, kiss your toes and I was done. No comments, no diagnosis, not a peep whether he could see an obstruction or tear. So the waiting game begins again. I should know something on or before the 27th when I go back to see Dr. C.

As for the barium, it has turned into a concrete rock in my stomach and it feels like I'm trying to pass an elephant. Not pretty, not fun and it hurts. I remember the same feeling when I had my upper GI done 3 years ago.

On to more pleasant things. I'm liking Weight Watchers. The program is easy to follow and I like our leader. My first weigh in is tomorrow. I don't feel different, like I've lost this week, but we'll see tomorrow. I have a lot of "points" to eat daily and I'm having a hard time eating them all. I haven't used any of my weekly flex points.

I'm not sure about ya'll but I will mindlessly eat, eat to just have something in my mouth or on my hands or at my computer. Big no no. Now, before I eat I try and determine, am I bored, am I hungry, am I doing this out of habit? I've become more conscious of what I've put in my body this week. I think that is helping.

I'll update ya'll more often, I promise. Be forewarned, I'm going to talk about food a lot. Anyway, thanks to everyone who emailed and called yesterday to see how I was. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Mind Musings

2006-02-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know ya'll want an update on how the shower went. It went. Lori was happy to see me, I think, but it was really great to see Kim and Laura again. The party was at Laura's house and she definitely knows how to throw a nice baby shower. We talked, ate and played stupid games. All in all it was only a 6 on the uncomfortable scale. When I left, Lori hugged me and with a sniff and a tear she said she missed me. Oy! What am I suppose to do with THAT!?!? So, I'm feeling a letter to her coming on. You know, just letting her know that my life is really good right now and I'm really not wanting to upset that balance. Too many things have been said and done, blah, blah, you get the picture.

Ok, on to Valentine's Day. I got my favorite flowers and a beautiful card. Oh, and because he knows I'm trying to watch what I eat, a teenie tiny box of Russell Stover's chocolates. Love that man more than words can say. The dogs each got a new stuffed toy. Millie a piggy with hearts on it's bottom and Stanley a purple elephant. They're toy basket overflowith. Roman had to bowl last night so we did the dinner thing over the weekend. Besides, I absolutely loathe having to wait for a table more than 30 minutes. We always do the Valentine's thing early, just to beat the crowds, we're practical like that. It's HOW you spend the time together that matters not on what day, right? Well, that's how I see it anyway.

I submitted 3 more pages for a pet pages call. I did the one you see up top this weekend and yes, it got submitted. Feels good to be trying. My hopes are up but I'm not counting my chickens just yet.

I start Weight Watchers tonight at 7. I'm nervous. I know it's going to be a lot of hard work and I'm not so good about planning my menus. Let's hope the Points plan is a little bit easier to follow than their old plan. I did well on the old one but it was such a hassle to plan meals out. I know, if you plan what you eat, there'll be less chance of eating off plan and falling off the wagon. But still, it was a PITA and I got stuck in a rut of eating the same thing over and over because I was tired of planning so I would just eat the same menu and that got boring fast. That part sucked and that's why I quit. Lets hope the Points thing is more user friendly.

I'm in a work funk, but that's a whole other post. So, I'll save that for next time. Hope everyone has a wonderful day and if I haven't told you lately, thank you for reading and giving me feedback. I so love getting comments!

I Got Your Number, Sister!!

2006-02-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

Remember me telling ya'll about my ex best friend Lori that I hadn't heard from in 5 years and all of a sudden emailed me in December? Yeah you do, go re-read the post. Anyway, she told me that she'd gotten married and was now pregnant. Yeah, wow, good for you. *yawn* That was your entire goal in life, remember? No shocker there.

Since her emails, I've been wondering, why now, why contact me now? I now know. I got an invitation to her baby shower. Oh please, for the love of GOD and hot frito pie don't insult my intelligence and strike up a conversation with me out of the damn blue and then drop the invitation bomb. I was on to her, way on to her. I knew something was up. At any rate, I RSVP'd that I'd be there. I'm curious to see what she looks like and meet up with some of the girls I used to work with. I have ZERO desire to rekindle a friendship with her after all these years and hard feelings. I forgive, I just don't forget.

Why would I want to add her into an already perfect mix of friends. I love my girl friends and I would hope they love me. They're always there for me when I need them and we never question motives. We're just like that.

This past weekend I got together with a few friends to scrapbook. Everyone had left but Yvette. She and I were talking about my old career and I was lamenting about how Dawn and I started at the same time and she's gone gangbusters where I, a once work-a-holic, was now not so gung ho. A dead screeching halt to be exact. I started to get upset and really beat myself up over the situation and Yvette had some great words of wisdom for me and made me feel instantly better. How much do I love her?!?!? TONS! She is such a calming presence in my life. She knows just what to say and not in a patronizing way either. She just knows. I can't explain it.

Sunday after church, we stopped by Denise's house to show her and her husband the new truck. We talked for a bit and caught up about what was going on in our lives, I'd only talked to her once last week. Later, when we got home I checked my email and there was one in there from Denise. She wanted to compliment me on how great my hair and make up looked and tell me how happy she was about Roman's new truck. Out of the blue she sent me this email, just to give me a compliment. Denise is super busy with a career, 2 girls and a husband and his business and she took the time out of her busy day to compliment me. How much do I love her?!?!? TONS! She's super thoughtful and always calling to check up on me and see how I am. She does this, just because. Just because she knows how to be a great friend.

So Lori hasn't changed, no biggie. I got an email from her this morning. She started in with how hectic her work is and talking about her shower this weekend. Never once did she mention how my CT went or if I got the results. No surprise there. She hasn't changed, but I have and things aren't the same for us. I just hope she can find girlfriends that are half as good as mine. Right now, I'm feeling pretty blessed.

Small Bowel What?

2006-02-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

It's a small bowel follow through. That's what I'm having on the 20th and it includes barium. I told ya'll it would, don't look surprised. I cut and pasted some information for ya'll to read, you know, just can case your stomach ever falls through your butt or something thereabouts. As for the perforation thing, I can guarantee you, that I indeed do not shove freshly sharpened pencils up my ass! This is going to be a fun test. Adios dignity.

A Small Bowel Follow Through (SBFT for short) is, as the name implies, an exam that follows barium (a thick, chalky fluid) or some other contrast media through the small intestines. For those who are interested, the small bowel, or intestine, is a thin hollow tube like organ measuring approximately 22 feet in length in the average adult, with a diameter of about 1 to 1 ½ inches. The first 8 to 10 inches of the small intestine is relatively fixed in position, and is referred to as the Duodenum. The other two sections, the jejunum and the ileum, form a series of freely moving loops attached to the back wall of the abdomen. As you would imagine, it can easily take two or three hours from the time the study starts until the first traces of barium can be seen emptying out of the small intestine into the large intestine under x-ray.

Since the Large Intestine, or Colon, loops around and in front of the Small Intestine, it is necessary to start preparing for this exam the day before to insure that the Small Bowel and the Colon are as empty of solid material as possible. This preparation normal consists of laxatives and a low-residue diet, which is made up of foods that leave little to no waste behind for the body to expel. For an example of such a diet, please see the Barium Enema page on this site. On the morning of your exam, you may not eat or drink anything until your exam is completed.

When you check in for your exam, the technologist who will be in charge of doing your study will show you to a dressing room where you will be asked to strip down to your underpants (sorry ladies, but bras sometimes show up in the middle of this exam) and put on a hospital gown. You will then be escorted to the x-ray room where your study will be performed. Once in the room, an x-ray called a "Scout Film" will often be done to be sure that there are no unexpected surprises lurking that may cause problems. You will then be given two cups of a thick, white, chalky fluid called Barium to drink. The technologist will then lay you down, and an x-ray will be taken at once, followed by another picture every 15 to 30 minutes until the barium starts to empty out of the Small Intestine and into the Large at the junction of those two organs and the appendix. Once that point in the exam has been reached, the Radiologist (a medical doctor who specializes in x-ray) will come in and take several more films under fluoro (short for fluoroscopy) which can be likened to Radiology's version of the camcorder. Once the radiologist has finished with what he or she needs to see under fluoro, you will probably be free to leave.

Occasionally, your doctor may suspect a condition such as a perforation or a complete obstruction of the small intestine, or possibly some other problem that may require surgery on short notice. In these case, your exam will probably be done using a "water soluble" contrast medium. This is done for two reasons. One, a water soluble contrast media, such as Gastografin, will be absorbed by the body over a relatively short period of time and eliminated through the kidneys. Barium on the other hand can only be quickly and effectively eliminated by the body by passing through to the other end. Thus, if for some reason the contrast medium leaks out of the intestines and into the abdominal cavity, a water soluble contrast will not cause potentially dangerous complications the way barium might. The second reason is that since water soluble contrast media is much thinner than barium, it is much easier to suck back out if need be than barium is. There is a major draw back to water soluble contrast mediums though. Since the small intestine works by mixing whatever is in it with water and digestive fluids, then absorbing what it can, water soluble contrasts will become more dilute and harder to see on x-rays as time passes. Barium however does not mix well with these fluids produced in the small intestines, so it will remain highly visible on x-rays no matter how much time passes. Because of this, if you have your study done using Gastografin or similar water soluble contrast mediums and the radiologist overseeing your study cannot find a problem, you will often be asked to come back at a later date to have the study done using barium.

After you leave the facility at which you have had your study, it is highly recommended that you drink plenty of water that day and the next. This will help the barium pass smoothly through your body. Your stools for the next day or so may be a whitish gray in color however. This is nothing to worry about, and once the barium has been completely passed, your stools will return to their normal coloring and consistency.

Yay Us!!

2006-02-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

Here's the layout that I submitted to Better Homes and Gardens, Scrapbooks ETC. magazine for their "everyday pages" call. I'm not sure when they'll start calls but if I get a call to be published, I'll be very happy. If I don't, I'm not going to sweat it. I stuck my neck and work out there for publication. If I get picked up, great, if I don't oh well, better luck next time. I love this picture of Stanley and Millie, it was one that I tweeked in Picasa.

It was a whirl wind of activity around here this weekend. I had no less than 4 appointments scheduled Friday and Roman decided to stay home and give his pickup, Bob, a minor tune up. It's been running really bad lately and needed some attention.

While I was getting a pedicure on Friday I got a call from my GI doctor. NO CANCER from the CT results, however he wants to take a closer look at my small bowel. I foresee more banana flavored barium in my future. I'm waiting on a call back from the doctor's scheduling person. Tick, tock. I'm just relieved about the whole cancer thing. Now I need to Google small bowel and see what that's all about.

I came home from all of my appointments to the sad news that Roman's truck was dead. I mean shoot it in the grill at 75 paces, dead. Poor Bob. He's a '72 Ford and seen its better day but Roman views vehicles as a means to get from point A to point B and make a paycheck. He has a dirty job and doesn't feel the need to "style" to work in a $50,000 decked out pickup. We talked about our options Friday night and decided that he'd over haul his engine for $1500. I mean this truck has 300,000 miles on it and is already on engine #2 so what's a third one, right?

Saturday I had some girl friends coming to the house to scrapbook and learn to stamp. It was so nice to see Lynn again. We used to work together and I hadn't seen her in 5 years. We laughed, caught up and laughed a lot more. That was too much estrogen for Roman so he made himself scarce and went "truck looking".

That was the beginning of the end. 3 hours later he brought home a burgundy 2003 Dodge quad cab SLT for me to look at. It was super duper clean and only had 30,000 miles on it! It was one of those deals where an older couple had it, kept it in the garage and only drove it a bit, but regardless of age turned it in every couple of years on a new one. AND, it was within our price range and was certified and had an extended warranty. I drove it and I liked it and gave him the ok to buy. Yep, we bought a new truck this weekend! This is HUGE. Roman rarely buys anything nice for himself, except hunting stuff. He's on cloud 9 and has yet to land. You want to know the best part? He let me drive it to work yesterday. Love that man!! He's got it today and "stylin'" to work. I'm proud and happy for him. He's washed it twice since Saturday. Um, hello, you'll wash the paint off before we make the first payment! ;)

So we're happy as clams around here folks. Things are good, I'm feeling better, Roman's got a new ride and all is right with the world, till I need to guzzle barium again.

Feel The Burn

2006-02-01T17:52:00.000-08:00

I hurt. Not because my stomach is in revolt, I hurt because I've been on my hands and knees all day cleaning. More importantly, I've been cleaning my pantry. Pantry, you say? Yep. It's been 5 years since it got a good cleaning. Everything coming off the shelves, cleaning the shelving and surrounding walls and baseboards. My washer and dryer are also in there so things get really dusty and gross. I was in the mood to clean today, so cleaned I did and now my pantry is sparkling.

I'm also in the mood to decorate my pantry. Decorate, you say? Yep. I want to paint and put up a couple of things on the walls and maybe get some neato baskets to stash things. Here's the problem. I have this overwhelming urge to paint the damn thing pink and green. Problem being, it's right off of my eat-in kitchen and my kitchen is red, white and blue. Not so swell in the blending department. So I'm saving my pink and green color scheme for another room, possibly a bathroom or maybe the master bedroom. Seriously, I'm going to totally "Lilly Pulitzer" up the joint and Roman, well, as long as he's got clean underwear and food, he's good with whatever I do with the rest of the house.

Here's where you come in, my loyal friends. I need suggestions. Suggestions for pantry wall color, accents and ways to hold various and sundry things. The walls in my kitchen are fire engine red with blue and white accents. Ready, set, GO!

MORE Resolutions!

2006-01-31T21:17:00.000-08:00

I told ya'll this was the year of change! I've been MIA recently, but did I tell you I've been working HARD on myself? Yay me!

Ok, I had my CT scan last Friday, with out going into the horrid details let me just say it went. I'll know the results some time this week, hopefully.

As far as the other resolution to eat healthy. I am. I'm eating healthy snacks, because I'm all about snacking and with my condition, I can't sit down and gorge myself or I'll spew like a new lawn sprinkler. So I snack, sometimes 5-6 times a day. I've been trying some of the Weight Watchers, Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine dinners out there. Some are good and some are yuck, and when I say yuck, I mean why can't they all not taste like card board? Who likes wood by products in their diet? This coming from a not so picky eater. A lot of them have tomato sauce and that's a no no, so I'm really having to pick and choose carefully. As far as the pain is concerned, I've only had a couple of attacks. People, this is HUGE! I can function and eat without pain that sends me sprinting to the bathroom to throw up. That's really a bad idea when sans bolder holder, if you know what I mean. To be pain free is HUGE. Weight Watchers meetings are coming.

Remember resolution #5, use photo editing programs more? I did it! I have no less than $700 in photo editing software that are rarely used. The learning curve for Photoshop is so steep, I gave up before I snatched myself bald. Photoshop Elements isn't as easy as I thought it would be and it's very similar to Photoshop, obviously. I just don't like the formats of them. Combine those with my camera's software, 2 printers and a scanner's software and I can edit my photos till I'm blue in the face. However, none worked for me. They weren't user friendly enough.

When all hope was lost I got a recommendation to try Picasa. Made by Google (God I love those brilliant people) and.....and it's FREE. That's right try it for FREE! Oh, yeah, I'm all over that. So I downloaded it and for 2 nights I sat at my computer and played with my pictures till my heart was full and happy. It's by far the easiest program in the history of photo editing programs to use! Idiots can use this program. Uh, hello, I did.

You want to crop a photo? No problem they have manual, 4x6, 5x7 and 8x10 modes. One click, done. You want to change the color of your photo? Black and white, sepia or any variation there of, click, done. You can add text to your pictures with only a few steps and change the color, contrast and brightness with only one click. Click, click, click, done. For those that want all of those settings manually, no problem, you can do that too! Click, done.

I must have gone through 30 of my best photos and tweaked them. It was so much fun and I was so pleased with the results. So pleased in fact, I'm going to submit one of my scrapbook pages to Better Homes and Gardens Scrapbooks Etc. page call for everyday pages. It's due the 9th but I'll probably get it sent in tomorrow. That ONE photo inspired me so much that I made a great page I love and I want to submit! I'm so happy about that.

So even though I've been gone I've been busy. I promise to update more, honest.

Resolution #1

2006-01-22T17:37:00.000-08:00

1.) Make my health a priority.

Remember that resolution? Yeah, well so do I and I've been making strides on that one. I'm going to be signing up for Weight Watchers either this week or next. It depends on when my buddy can join me. She just had knee replacement surgery and we're waiting on the OK from her doctor for her to drive again. She's really limited on where she can go because she's got to keep her knee up and weight off of it for a few more weeks.

She's got a lot to loose, like me, so we'll be in this for the long haul. I'm setting a 15 month goal for myself to have all of this weight lost. I'm not kidding around people! I lost 100 lbs before so I know I can do it again. We're going to attend actual meetings, not do the online thing, and I'm also signing up for Weight Watchers e-Tools too. I need all the support and help I can get with menus, recipes and being able to track my points with my Palm. I'm actually a little excited to start this!

I'm not a big fan of Dr. Phil, in fact I loathe the man. His condescending attitude makes me want to hurl, however one day I got sucked into his show about "big weight loosers". I sat and listened to one woman who sang the praises of Dr. Phil's Self Matters and Ultimate Weight Solution books after loosing over 100 lbs. Those two resources shed some light on why she ate and gave her the tools to modify her behavior.

So off to the library I went and checked them both out. I'm reading the UWS first. So far, some interesting stuff in there. I'm a self help book virgin, by the way, I'll give my review when I'm done with both. Again, I'm trying to give myself a fighting chance at this. I'm trying to arm myself with tools and knowledge.

I had "the talk" with Roman. I told him we're going to have to change our entire way of thinking about food and preparing food. Menus will be planned and we're both going to eat on plan. Little did he know, he was going on Weight Watchers too! We both know how to eat healthy, we both just choose not too and that's our biggest problem. He's on board with less red meat, more chicken and fish but he poo-poo'd the idea of eating tofu and vegetarian dishes. The man needs his meat, damn it! Ok, I can compromise on that, I'm not too fond of tofu myself, Elmer's school paste has more flavor, in my humble opinion.

This past Monday I went to see another GI doctor. For those keeping count, this is #2 in 3 years. He looked over my chart from my other doctor and agreed with her diagnosis after telling him my continued symptoms and pain. He did order a CT scan of my reproductive organs just to eliminate cancer. Evidentially, uterine and ovarian cancers can present as GI problems and by the time they are diagnosed it's too late. He said it's fairly common, so he wants to do the test just to rule out any sort of cancer causing me my pain. He didn't seem too worried but he freaked Roman out good when he uttered the word CANCER. I go in the 27th, this Friday, for the CT.

He gave me a new diet to promote GI tract motility and suggested I stay away from tomato products, onions, peppers and caffeine. He also suggested that I not eat 3 hours before bed and he put me on Prilosec OTC two times a day to deal with the reflux from the hiatal hernia. He doubts the ulcerative lesions in my stomach are worse, as I don't have the signs of a bleeding ulcer, same with the somewhat functioning gall bladder. He says my symptoms are more reflux related. Other than the CT no other tests were scheduled, which surprised me.

I have to go back in 6 weeks for a check up. He wants to see if the dietary modifications and meds are working and taking care of the pain. He said he'll contact me with the CT results as soon as they come in. So now we're in a waiting game. Waiting to see if I feel better with the modifications and the CT comes up negative.

Thought For The Day

2006-01-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

"I wish I were a bear... people would expect me to have hairy legs, store excess fat and wake up growling."

That's how I'm feeling and looking for that matter. If you didn't know, I've been ill. It's gone from the Henta Virus-Ebola Outbreak-Strepto Crappy-Bird Flu to a raging case of cedar fever. And yet I made the conscience choice to live in the middle of a freakin' cedar pasture! I sound like I should be locked up in a TP ward. I'm quite attractive, I'll have you know, I go nowhere without the standard box of Kleenex shoved under my armpit. Sexy!! It's the new accessory of choice, try it.

So now you know why I've been MIA, teach you to ask, won't it? So in honor of me dragging my butt back to the computer to blog I'm going to do a meme. Here goes:

Four movies you would watch over and over:

Sixteen Candles
The English Patient
Brokeback Mountain (fan-freakin'tastic, go see it!)
Friday Night Lights

Four places you have lived:

Denton, TX
Austin, TX
San Antonio, TX
Selma, TX

Four TV shows you love to watch:

The Bachelor (shuddup)
Walking The Bible (PBS)
Will and Grace
Gilmore Girls (that's a new one)

Four places you have been on vacation:

London
Scotland
France
Belgium

Four websites you visit daily:

Two Peas In A Bucket
blogs o' plenty-that's more than 4, fo' sure!

Four of your favorite foods: just 4?!?!?

EZ's chicken Caesar salad
any and all things Mexican (Charlie's is high on the list of good places)
seafood-crab cakes to be exact....mmmmmmm Trout St. in Port Aransas
Roadhouse's chicken tenders and honey mustard

Four places you would rather be right now:

in Hawaii visiting Terry and Angie
a bed and breakfast resting and recuperating
visiting the folks
on the sofa curled up

Four bloggers you are tagging:

April
Inanna
Zelda
Jeanette

Bringin' It Home!

2006-01-04T23:34:00.000-08:00

After a long absence, UT is bring home a national championship! This one's for your Coach Royal. We deserve it because we out lasted and out played Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and USC. Who comes from a two touchdown deficient with 2:09 to play and wins?

Oh and Mr. Leinart, you need to look up the words "graceful loser" in the dictionary, because you suck at it. Despite not winning Heisman, Vince Young showed the world that he's a top notch player. He can run, he can pass (without question), he's a student athlete and when down he can bring his team to victory. Congratulations Vince, you deserve all the glory!

Sorry for shameless divine Mr. M picture, I couldn't help myself. He's another reason to love UT! Hook 'em!!

T-Minus And Counting

2006-01-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve Roman and I went to Austin to have dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. I saw a billboard with this logo on it and instantly fell in love. When we win tonight, I wonder what the National Championship t-shirts will look like. Despite being sick, I'm still looking forward to watching the game. It's time to bring home a National Championship, Horns. Hook 'em!

This And That Tuesday

2006-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

For those of you that didn't know, I got a new PDA for Christmas. As of late it hasn't been called my PDA, it's been called Satan. I've been trying to use the thing for days and it's been acting weird. I thought I didn't have it fully charged, so back on the charger it went. I even went so far as to beg a girlfriend to help me with it, using hers as a demo. No dice, mine was still acting weird and she concurred that mine was "not quite right, like the owner." Check the instruction manual, you say? There ISN'T one! That's right, you heard me, no instruction manual came with the damn thing. Now I recently bought new phones for the homestead and I got an instruction manual with those, but really, how hard are they to use? Push the talk button and dial the number, push the end button when done. But they came with a freakin' instruction manual! Palm, just slightly more complicated, no manual. Bastards, I don't want to save a tree, I want to sit in bed and fiddle with my gadget and not have to be tethered to my computer via Palm.com's troubleshooting site.

I fancy myself somewhat tech savvy. I muddle through quite well, thank you very much. Last night, I gave in and went looking for a tech support number, to which there was none on their site. I didn't care if they were going to charge me $1934 an hour I needed help! By the way, if you need the number, I have it after I had to hunt high and low on a couple of their sites to find it. They hide that shit! By the time I got to talk with someone I was rather perturbed, no manual, no tech support number, no help from their websites. What kind of customer service is that!?!? "Here buy our product, after that you're on your own." Bull!

To make a long story short they don't publish a manual. That's right, no manual. It's all online or either on the software disk. I voiced my displeasure, over and over. I'm thinking my concerns fell on deaf ears. We had to totally reboot my Palm along with reinstalling all the software to my computer. Yep, something was definitely amiss and I'm NOT the stupidest human on the planet. Yay me!! Satan, is working fine now and his new name is Mo, as in Mo work than it's worth!

Now it's time to input all my data. Folks, do you realize how many dates, birthdays, anniversaries addresses, phone numbers, web addressed etc. etc. I have? TONS and it's going to take me the rest of 2006 to get them entered.

New Year, New Me

2006-01-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. These past few years have been sorta, well, blah. Nothing to write home about, nothing fantastic. I've felt like I've just been marking time. Antidepressants do that too you. You just feel mellow and unmotivated, that's how I feel all the damn time. This year I want to feel different. I need to make some changes, nothing big from your vantage point, but big for me. I'm tired of the blahs and tired of marking time. So for the first time in years, I'm making some New Year's Resolutions!

1.)Make my health a priority!

I've been unhealthy most of my life, except for those few years in my 20's when I was practically bulemic. Don't ask. I'm joining Weight Watchers and going to get down to an acceptable weight. There's no magic number, I'm just going to loose till I'm comfy. I could take the easy way out and go for gastric bypass, I've done the research, but I'm not willing to take the risks when I know I can loose the fat by eating right, exercising and sticking with a life transforming program. For those of you that don't know, I have some serious, uh, plumbing issues with my stomach. I need to consult a doctor that will find a livable solution for me. I've lost faith in the one I've been seeing for years. I have an appointment with a new one in a few weeks.

2.)Scrapbook more.

I have this amazing office and the only time I use it is when I'm on a deadline to get a project done or need to make a card for someone. I'm used to going with the girls to crops at our favorite scrapbook store and working on my pages there. I need to spend some time everyday doing the hobby I love. I've joined a challenge at 2Peas that April started last January and has continued this year. Hopefully it'll give me the motivation to catch up on my pictures I've got printed and do that album all about me that I've been meaning to do for years. I'll try and post as many as I can here so ya'll can see what I've been up to.

3.)Meet a few bloggers.

I'm wanting to go to Tyler to meet April, Austin to see the Trashman up close and personal and even pinch him to see if he's real, Zelda and Jethro because, well because, she's got big hooters and I loves me some ladies with big boobies AND who are republicans! Those are just the Texas crew, I'd like to make it to Cali to meet Jeanette, seriously Golden Gate and Jeanette would make me happy if I died tomorrow. West Virginia to meet the Peachy one because I need to thank her in person for the beautiful rosary that she made me and Ali, I need to get to Atlanta before you move!! You can't move till I come see you and Mike, m'kay? Who knows, maybe even Seven can swing by this year as he cris-crosses the nation. No doubt I'll continue to hang with Brighton et. al and maybe even get up north to see Jack again. I'm keeping the schedule open for travel this year. Impromptu road trips might abound.

4.)Continue to cultivate friendships.

I need to work on getting birthday and anniversary cards to friends. I've seriously slacked off the last few years. My new Palm will hopefully help me remember. I've got a few old college buddies that I would like to catch up with, I haven't seen most of them since my wedding 11 years ago and that's shameful. There are a couple of girls I went to high school with that I would like to check in on. I know where they are, I just need to contact them. I'm still going to work on making new friends and doing my best the be a good friend to the ones that I have.

5.)Use my camera and photo editing programs more.

I have a great digital camera and every kind of cheap to expensive photo editing software known to mankind and yet, I use neither to it's full advantage. I tend to shoot in auto mode and not use the other settings. I'm going to work on learning the features of my camera in order to get better pictures. I also tend to dump my photos from my camera onto my computer then upload them for printing. I don't do any color correction, changing to black and white or other options you can do with photo editing software. Again, it's the laziness factor. I'll be more motivated to scrap if I don't struggle with crappy pictures.

6.)Read something other than a scrapbook magazine.

I need to read more books. I tend to stick with magazines because they aren't time consuming. I like the sense of accomplishment of finishing a magazine in one sitting. I'm wanting to read some good books this year. If you have suggestions let me know, I'm all ears, no sci-fi or Oprah selections please.

7.)Keep the faith.

I guess my one accomplishment for 2005 was getting more involved in my church. I'm teaching RCIA to adults who desire to come into full union with the Catholic church and I've become a eucharistic minister who delivers communion at mass and to those that can't come to mass. Both are really rewarding. After Easter, once RCIA is over, I think I'm going to join one of the many bible study groups. At home I've go some much going on that I don't or forget to pray and thank God for his many blessings. That really, really needs to change.

8.)See the glass half full.

I'm way too negative. I need to start seeing the upside of situations. It's so difficult when you grew up with a totally negative parent. They almost teach you negativity. It's hard to explain, but anyway, this year I'm really going to work on seeing the upside of things and eliminate as much negativity from my life as possible. I have so much to be happy and grateful about but lately I'm caught in the trap of what I don't have. It's a downer.

I think those are the big things I'm going to work on. Once a month, usually at the beginning of the month, I'm going to do a little check up post so ya'll know how I'm doing. I'm serious about committing myself to change this year and if you feel so inclined you can cheer me on, I'd appreciate that a bunch.

As Seen Today

2005-12-30T23:13:00.000-08:00

I was driving to meet a friend for some scrapbooking fun today and on the back of an Explorer's window I read: "I'm not mean, you're a pussy." Here I think it's a man driving, nope, a woman. At that moment, I think I fell in love with a total stranger and her attitude.

Friendships Old And New

2005-12-29T19:01:00.000-08:00

When I cranked up my computer this morning I do the first thing I do every day, I check my email. I respond to the things in my inbox and I do a quick check of the junk mail just to make sure there's nothing important that got dumped in there. Sure enough, there was an email from an old friend, an old best friend to be exact.

Lori and I used to work together and when you work with sex offenders and low life scum you tend to form bonds with your coworkers. Lori and I were no different. We weren't just coworkers we became best friends. We were inseparable in and out of work. We used to commiserate about all the weird stuff that would happen at work over a lunch date or weekend shopping trips. She practically lived with us on the weekends and we didn't care. We made her a part of our family. I loved her like the sister I never had. At one point, Roman and I played match maker and she dated one of Roman's good friends for a couple of years. When that relationship hit the skids, we then set her up with one of Roman's cousins. We were determined to make her a permanent part of the family we loved her so much! After a year of dating Roman's cousin that relationship ended and she felt the need to move away and start fresh.

Lori took a job in Austin to make a fresh start. San Antonio hadn't been good place for her, too many bad memories, she said. As the months ticked by she made new friends and didn't really have the time for her old ones. When she called it was to talk about her man problems or how great her new friends were and all the things she was doing. I admit, it stung and we felt left out. Her excuse, "Well, ya'll don't live here." I couldn't make her understand just because we were an hour away didn't mean we didn't want to be part of her life anymore. I guess we were one of those bad memories she was running from. Soon, the visits were less frequent then non existent, same with the calls. To make a long story short our friendship changed, she changed and it just wasn't the same. We didn't feel like we fit in with her new life. For my mental health, I made the decision to move on. I dropped her as a friend and never looked back. I hadn't heard from her in 5 years, until today.

I've never truly forgiven her for dumping us. I'm still very hurt by it. Sitting on the sidelines and watching her slip away was totally gut wrenching for both Roman and I and the pain of loosing a good friend like that hurts, even 5 years later. It made us both question the kind of friends we were. What had we done wrong to make her not like us anymore? After Lori, I swore I'd never become that emotionally involved with a friend again and for years I never let myself get close to anyone.

Time has gone by and I've been working on expanding my social circle. The girls I scrapbook with are my closest companions. A lot of us are at the same place in our lives and we really get each other, not to mention we share an amazing love of a fun hobby. I'm still very reserved with my love but one person in particular had managed to break my icy facade. Cindy is the first woman in years that I can say is my best friend.

All of you were asked to read my blog for a reason. It wasn't some random selection of people by any means. Each of you reading were chosen because, in some small way, you inspire me. You inspire me to be a better person, a more balance individual, to see the world from a different point of view, to have faith in God, or just laugh at the silliness we call life. Each of you is very special to me whether you know it or not. Thank you, but most importantly, thank you for letting me call you friend.

Just Sayin' Is All

2005-12-23T18:01:00.000-08:00

I read this just now:

"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

I'm sitting here at my desk, giggling like a mad woman. Either it's funny or I've lost my marbles.

Really!?! That happens?!?

2005-12-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

Evidentially it does and it happens often. What am I speaking of you ask? Recipes. More importantly, people that won't give up their recipes when asked. I had no idea that such a creature roamed the plant. When people like a dish I make and they ask me for the recipe, I gladly give up the goods. To me, it's a huge compliment.

There is a scrapbook website that I frequent. It's called www.twopeasinabucket.com and there is a message board where we talk about anything and everything not scrapbook related. A topic the other day was people who don't give up recipes. A woman was hurt because her neighbor wouldn't give up her fudge recipe for the church newsletter. She told her flat out NO. Others jumped on the bandwagon and chimed in with why they won't share. I was shocked, I was horrified at some of the snotty responses.

Of course in true big mouth fashion I chimed in with, "Listen ladies, the Russians aren't asking for your recipes so they can screw you in the next Pillsbury Bake Off. It's a RECIPE for pete's sake!" evidentially, I'm much funnier when I blog. Alone.

Anyway, so ask me for a recipe and I'll hand it over. My peanut brittle recipe, well, that you'll have to pry from my cold dead hands or either pay me for it. Your choice.

And with this season of sharing I'm going to share with you my version of:

Mock Toffee

2 sticks butter (1 cup)
1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 cup finely chopped pecans
1 teaspoon vanilla
40 saltine crackers
12 oz. bag of milk chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line, with foil, a jelly roll pan. Cover the bottom with saltines. Bring to a boil butter, vanilla and sugar. Cook for 3 minutes. Pour mixture over crackers and coat thoroughly. Put pan in oven and bake for 7 minutes till bubbly. Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips over crackers and let melt. Spread with spatula to cover crackers. Sprinkle with nuts. Let cool and break into pieces. Keep in air tight container.

My girlfriend Yvette made this last year and it was so good. She made me a batch this year as well and it was gone within days. I snarled at Roman when he tried to take a piece from me. Good stuff. Share worthy.

I Have Failed

2005-12-22T14:15:00.000-08:00

You want a Breeder update, c'mon admit it, you do. During this season of holly and jolly we all like to take a break and take a gander at the disgusting underbelly of humanity. My neighbors will have to fit that bill.

There is good news and there is bad news and even more bad news. The good news, their house is for sale. The bad news, they've priced it $20,000 above the appraised value and in this neighborhood, with houses being put on the market daily due to the large military population and most pricing them at appraised value or less to move them OR a willingness to lease, I don't foresee those two fuckwits across the street moving any time soon. It's been on the market 6 months, I'm guessing it'll be on the market 6 years from now at this rate. Word on the street, it's pretty "used" on the inside. I did see them lug in gallons of paint and they did have to replace the entire back yard lawn, which they let die this summer. So, there might be hope. We'll see.

Now the really bad news. Earlier this week I had an actually verbal confrontation with Mr. Breeder. In my defense this is only the 3rd time I've spoken with the man. 3rd time to talk and only one verbal confrontation is a new record for me. Really, it is!

Sunday, the Husband, here to for, now referred to as Roman, was blowing the leaves from the yard, side walks and front porch. We were having a PAR-TAY and needed to spiff up. He came in ranting and raving about all the cigarette butts littering our yard and lining our side of the street. Now people, I don't smoke and neither does Roman and to my knowledge none of my neighbors do either, except one. Mr. Breeder.

He smokes outside and talks on the phone and drinks his Bud Lights. That's his current job since loosing his paying gig with the USPS. Yeah, evidentially you CAN get fired from the post office, who knew?

So back to the ranting and raving of Roman. He's not disgusted by much but someone else's nasty cigarette butts in our yard tend to tee him off a bit. I tried be the voice of reason and give Mr. Breeder the benefit of the doubt saying, "Maybe he emptied an ash tray into the trash can and the trashmen accidentally dumped some of it out on the street? It happens, they aren't always really careful. We always end up with packing peanuts on the street." He insisted that he's seen Mr. Breeder out front smoking and tossing his butts into the gutter. "Bah!" I say, "We're looking for additional reason to dislike them." Never a truer statement has been uttered.

So Monday afternoon I'm sitting here at my desk, in my office, and I see with my own two eyes Mr. Breeder take that last long drag of a Marlboro and toss the butt into the street. That jackhole! And here I was willing to give that idiot the benefit of the doubt! So I go out onto my front porch and yell across the street, "Hey! Quit throwing your nasty cigarette butts in the street, they end up in my yard when the wind blows!" To which he says, "Kiss my ass!" Did you catch that people? He invited me to kiss his ass. I threw up a little in my mouth just now. The thought totally and completely repulses me. The only retort I could muster was, "Oh go FUCK YOURSELF!" Merry Christmas.

That's it. That's all I had. After all the years of going to the Matilda Pottymouth School of Sarcasm and Whit that's all I could say. People, do you realize the golden damn opportunity I missed!?!?

I came inside and slammed the door in a huff. Not because I was angry at that fuckstick telling me to kiss his ass but I was truly and genuinely pissed at myself for not coming up with something more cleaver. I failed. I want a do over.

New Directions

2005-06-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the last blog was a compilation of stories or amusing antidotes. This one, not so much. I'm going to use it as daily journal. Most of the entries are going to be short blurbs about things going on in my life. Boring stuff, I know, but hey, it's too much work and too hard to always come up with something funny. All. The. Damn. Time. I need this to be fun. Fun damn it! Now quit groaning. I will throw in a story now and then (the Breeders are up to their old tricks again). Who knows I may post more than once a day. Yay me! Prepare yourself for rants, lots and lots of rants.